I can’t begin to tell you how much I love roller coasters.  To me, they are the single biggest reason to go to any amusement park, and definitely the most fun of any of the rides.  There’s just something special about strapping yourself into a big metal seat and letting gravity take you where it will.  Take you FAST.  Preferably with lots of twists and turns and maybe a couple of loops for good measure. 

My introduction to coasters actually came pretty late.  I’m pretty sure I was 18 before I ever stepped into one.  Most of my friends had been riding them for a few years at that point, but although I’d been to the parks, I’d never had more than a passing interest in the coasters.  The summer after high school though, my friend introduced me to The Beast at King’s Island near Cincinnati Ohio, and I was hooked forever forward.

The Beast. Best roller coaster in the world.

Growing up in Ohio, we had our choice of several theme parks.  In the south, by Cincinnati, was King’s Island, home of not only several prime roller coasters, but THE prime, and what I (and most others) consider to be the BEST coaster on the planet.  Ohio is also home of Cedar Point, near Cleveland, (what is that smell?) owner of the largest collection of coasters (17) in the entire world.  Not only that, but Cedar Point had an ongoing tradition of creating the world’s tallest and fastest coasters every few years.  The last of the major parks in Ohio was Geauga Lake.  G-Lake had a few coasters and a few good rides, but was never actually able to compete with the bigger parks, and although they were bought out by Six Flags (and subsequently sold not long after), the park is now closed after a 119 year history of fun.

But this post isn’t about parks, it’s about roller coasters!  Wood, metal, or a combination of both, roller coasters are the premiere attraction at most parks.  In 1994 I had the opportunity to work a summer job at Cedar Point, and one of the best things about that is the fact that I got to ride roller coasters every single day, for free, before the park opened.  The reason for that is simple.  You have to “warm up” the coasters before the general public can ride them.  It’s sort of a safety thing.  So every morning before our shifts, the coaster crews would run the trains a couple of times empty, then we (the park employees) would climb in and take a few trips to make sure everything was in working order.

The Millennium Force. 300ft straight down at an 80-degree angle and at 93mph.

Sometimes it was difficult.  Cedar Point is on a peninsula on Lake (seriously… what is that smell?) Erie.  In the mornings, it could be cold with the wind blowing off the lake.  Couple that with occasional rain, and the experience could turn out to be miserable.  I remember a couple of occasions where we’d climb the lift (literally climb the ladder going up the first hill of the ride… coaster warming wasn’t for those afraid of heights) and find a nice, wet car and do the whole ride with stinging rain blowing into our faces.  This was necessary, because unless there’s lightning and thunder, most coasters will still operate in the rain.  Sometimes we went around three, four, even five times before we were able to get off.  Even the most hardy coaster riders had trouble with this.  Riding once is fine, but several times with no stops doesn’t do much for your stomach.  Then there are rollbacks.  A rollback occurs when the coaster is still cold and there’s not enough momentum for it to make the second hill of the ride.  So literally, it creeps to a stop, then rolls backward.  Makes for a fun ride, but it’s a very bad thing and requires a crane to come and take the train down car by car.  A very expensive event, but also very rare.

I suppose my love for coasters was cemented by that experience.  I was 22 in 1994, so I had been riding for five years or so in the summers.  Even though I rode coasters every single day for an entire season, I still never got tired of them.  There’s just something about the complete loss of control that you have, while still knowing you are perfectly safe.  Some people assume that coasters have some sort of control or guidance.  Nope, once they are clear of the lift, it’s all gravity and Mother Nature from then on.  True, most coasters have braking systems at various places in the ride, but for the most part, it’s just you and physics.

The Raptor. Suspended from the top and a Cobra roll? I want more!

I took a trip home to Ohio last year.  I was there for a couple of reasons.  One, to see my friends and family, and two, to help an old friend move his life to another state.  Remembering all the awesome summers that he and I had in the past (he being the one to introduce me to coasters), we decided to take one last trip down to Cincinnati and hit the coasters one more time.  For old time’s sake.  Since both of us now live thousands of miles from those great theme parks, we thought it would be a fitting goodbye.  Sadly, our aging, decrepit bodies just don’t tolerate the extremes that roller coasters offer quite as well as they did in past days, but we still had a blast nonetheless. 

My personal top five roller coasters, as judged by me and all my riding experience.

1. The Beast (King’s Island).  Everyone that knows coasters knows the Beast is the best.  Period.  To ride this coaster at night, in the dark, back through the forest is an experience unlike any other.
2. The Vortex (King’s Island).  Just a short distance from the Beast, the Vortex is all steel and smooth as silk.  One of the best double-loops on any coaster.
3. The Gemini (Cedar Point).   This was the main coaster that I test-rode in the mornings.  I’ve ridden it literally hundreds of times, and it deserves a special place in my heart.
4. The Millennium Force (Cedar Point).  Good God what a coaster.  310 feet tall and 92 miles-per-hour, it just doesn’t get much better than that.
5. The Raptor (Cedar Point).  I was among the first to ride this, and was even in one of the commercials for it.  A spectacular coaster from start to finish.

Roller coasters:  How I love thee.

I saw an iPod vending machine at a grocery store in Salt Lake City today.  An iPod vending machine.  Kind of like a soda pop machine, except it had iPods and iPod accessories in it.

My question is, how you do shake the crap out of it if your shiny new iPod doesn’t fall all the way?

I think that by now everyone knows about this Baptist cult that likes to picket the funerals of people they see as sinners.  Most of these people are of the gay or lesbian variety, or at least assumed so by these idiots, although they do seem to have a bunch of other reasons as well, apparently justified by their (collective) five working brain cells and their misguided beliefs.

Tons of blogs and web sites, YouTube videos, forums, etc. have been covering this issue for a few days now, but I thought I’d add my two cents as well.  I think the more people who write about this issue, the more perspective we can add to it and eventually come to an understanding about truth.

I’d also like to preface this post by stating that I am not religious.  Many of the blogs I’ve read and the videos I’ve watched take the side of one religion or another, and I want to present this from an unbiased position as much as I can.  Now, I suppose that on some level I do believe in a higher power.  Whether it’s the Christian God of Abraham, or the Flying spaghetti monster, I don’t really know.  It’s irrelevant.  I want to look at this from a human perspective.

Everybody hates these guys.  Everybody except for themselves and presumably their immediate family, so it’s no surprise  at the backlash they constantly receive.  Rightfully so, I believe.  These people are hate-mongering cretins.  They do what they do in the name of their interpretation of religious value, but they twist the meaning and manipulate the words to serve their own purposes.  They honestly believe they are preaching the word of God, and that God is on their side and that pretty much everyone else is going to Hell for one sin or another.  Fortunately for us, they are wrong.

What’s any of this got to do with Heath Ledger?  Well, Heath was an actor who played a gay cowboy in a movie.  Because of this, this cult of idiots believe that he “promoted” homosexuality and as we all know, the Bible says being gay is wrong.  Here’s a little news though, and listen up closely… Heath Ledger was not really a gay cowboy.  Shocking, I know, but there it is.  Whether or not he “promoted” homosexuality is irrelevant.  This was a character in a movie.  That was his job.  End of debate.

Listen to this ancient doofus and his crap, then decide for yourself.

The Dumbass Brigade is going to picket his funeral, like they do for dead soldiers and the like.  This in and of itself is wrong and disrespectful.  Whether you’re religious or not, I believe every human being has an instinctual concept of right vs wrong, and picketing funerals is so obviously morally wrong, I can’t begin to articulate my feelings on it.  For them to take a solemn occasion of mourning and turn it into a circus automatically labels them as soulless, heartless morons who should have to give up their constitutional rights to free speech based solely on the fact that all they are doing is spreading hate and deceit.  It’s inhuman.

I don’t know Heath Ledger.  Never met him.  Everyone has said since his death that he was a wonderful human being, that he was a “nice guy” and all that.  Of course, people always say that when popular people die.  Maybe he wasn’t.  Maybe he stole candy from babies, and kicked people’s dogs when walking by on the street.  I doubt it.  No one is perfect, and I’m sure he had his flaws just like anyone else.  I’m sure he wasn’t a saint, but then who is?  Not me.  Not you, and especially not these window-licking, paste-eating Jerry’s Kids religious-cult hate-monger shithead human being wannabes  at the Westboro Baptist Church.  They are so far removed from sainthood that I can just picture the devil right now, cracking his knuckles in anticipation with a gleeful look in his eyes just waiting for one of them to kick off so he can watch their flaming souls take a swan dive straight into Hell where a thousand gay cowboys are waiting, dicks in hand and smiles on their faces, to ass-rape them for the rest of eternity.

Yes, Westboro Baptists, I’m talking to you.  Who are you anyway?  It may be bad form, but I’m personally going to Digg my own article just in the hopes that maybe one of you will read it and respond.  I want to hear from you.  I want to know why you think you can do the things you do in the name of your God and honestly believe that it’s right.  And while you’re at it, click on one of my damn ads.  You’re all worthless anyway, so you might as well be good for something.  Click my ads, so I can get rich and donate my money to help promote education so that the next generation of kids don’t grow up to be worthless idiot-people like you.  Leave me a comment, so I can waste your sorry ass with logic and intelligence that doesn’t involve your spiteful and incorrect “beliefs”. 

What these people do is wrong.  They know it, I know it, you know it, and the whole world knows it.  If you believe in God, you know that they’re wrong.  If you don’t believe in God, you know that they’re wrong.  Case closed.  You know what?  I hope they do try to picket Heath Ledger’s funeral.  Know why?  Because Heath was an Australian, which means that his true services will likely be in Australia.  So get on a plane, fly to Australia, and picket his funeral Westboro Baptist Pigs.  You won’t last two seconds into the service before ten thousand pissed-off Aussies tear off your arms and legs and shove your heads so far up your asses that you’ll need a Proctologist to brush your teeth.  Go for it.  I dare you.  Let us know how it goes.  You won’t get any sympathy here.

What happened to good?  What happened to the religion we had when I used to go to Sunday school and learn about how good God was and that He loved me and all of His children?  It’s no wonder that I no longer wish to participate.  It’s people like this that ruin it.  Give it a bad name.  Soil it with their filthy ideals and beliefs.  What did Heath Ledger ever do to them? 

Nothing. 

So I’ve been experimenting with ads on my blog lately, and I have to admit it’s much harder than you’d think design a functioning ad. 

Any of you that have been reading my blog know by now that it changes quite frequently.  This blog is not only home to my personal thoughts and ruminations, it’s also sort of a testing ground for ideas and layouts, and a way for me to learn and practice all of the necessary skills (like learning .PHP, .CSS, XHTML, etc.) so that I can build a web presence and maybe even make a few extra dollars per month as a side benefit. 

My blog is very new.  In fact, it’s not even a month old yet, so there really isn’t much content to see.  I’m working on it though.  I’ve made a goal to write at least one post per day, and although I haven’t quite managed to do that, it’s getting better.  I’ve finally settled on a theme that I like (minimalist is good) and I’m still playing with the layout, and it’s really starting to shape up and look the way I want it.  If anybody reading this has any suggestions whatsoever, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment and express them.  Tell me you like it, or tell me you hate it.  Tell me why.  If you have any thoughts at all, I want to hear them.

I don’t have any particular theme with regards to content.  This blog is just my divergent wanderings in print, and I write about whatever comes to mind.  It’s not about making money on the Internet, selling digital cameras, photography, movie reviews, or any one subject.  It’s about anything and everything.  Eventually I’ll probably settle on a style, or maybe write about a certain subject on a certain day, or whatever.  It’s still in that infant phase where anything is possible.  Who knows what it could become?

I’ve found in the last month that writing a blog is easy.  Writing a good blog is very hard.  Not to say my blog is necessarily good, but I can proudly say that for the most part, the grammar is mostly correct and the words are spelled right.  That’s a start.  You’d be surprised (or maybe not) at how many people take their lives to the Internet in the form of blogs and web pages that don’t even have a grasp on something as simple as the rules of the language they’re using.  For them, I suppose, it’s simply enough to bang out a few sentences using L33T or their third-grade educations and then slap a few ads up.  I’m here to tell you right now that you won’t get anywhere that way.  Good writing is good writing, and I firmly believe that there’s no substitute.  There’s a subtle art to blogging.  It means writing correctly, using your spell check, and forming a page that’s as aesthetically pleasing as possible.  Like creating a magazine or a newsletter.  Everything correct and everything in it’s place.  Form and function and all that. 

Over the next few weeks and months I intend to focus on content.  Really get some good topics and write a lot of copy.  I need to practice my writing skills some and get back to the basics of the language, because I believe that’s the key to a popular blog.  People want to read things that are interesting and well thought-out, not to mention written intelligently.  Also, in the midst of writing, I’ve discovered I need to work on my typing skills.  I type fast, but I find myself going back to correct errors a lot.  Maybe I should look at the keys?

So about the ads.  I’m just a baby when it comes to figuring out how to do these things.  Honestly, I have no real idea how to place them or write them or even how to make them look.  All of these things are important I’m told.  I’ve read up on the TONS of information regarding how you should work your ads, but it’s mind-boggling just how much information there is.  Some of it contradicts too, so I’ve taken the trial and error approach.  The biggest hurdle I have is figuring out why people would click them.  I’ve had that Widget Bucks ad in various places on my page for about a week now, and I have yet to get a single click on it.  I understand this too.  Ads just aren’t that interesting.  Personally, I surf the Internet a LOT and I very rarely click on ads that I see.  Every so often I see something that piques my interest and I’ll click it, or sometimes I’ll click the ads on a friends site to help them out a bit, but for the most part I ignore them.  You see Google ads so frequently these days that they’ve become a part of every web site it seems, and you come to think of them as just part of the background.  I guess the trick is making them stand out.

Ah well.  It’s not about the ads anyway.  This blog isn’t exactly the kind of place to find ads.  As I said, this whole thing is more of an experiment and a “lab” if you will, designed to supply me with the skills to create a functioning web site that has actual relevant and useful content.  Soon, methinks.  For now, I’ll just keep working on it.