Well, here we are sweeping away the last few crumbs of 2008.  This has been a pretty routine year for me, because quite frankly, I haven’t accomplished much.  There were a few high points, only a couple of low points, and lots of middle ground.  Here’s a quick review of 2008’s greatest hits, sovknight style.

1.  In January, my continuous employment of ten long years came to a very abrupt end.  I was terminated over the matter of a broken DVD case worth approximately $4.  This, after a decade of faithful service, running multi-million dollar departments and traveling the entire country for a corporate entity who cares little for it’s employees.  In the end though, this was a good thing.

2.  In May, I turned 36 years old.  There’s this sort of unspoken thing with men that says by the time you’re 35, your life should pretty much be on the path it’s destined for, and your career and love life and kids and education should be things you worried about in the past.  By 35, you should have achieved.  Well, I’m behind the curve.  Not only is my life pretty much a complete waste up until this point, but I don’t really have any prospects for the future.  There’s obviously something wrong with me.  This one is in the "bad thing" category.

3.  After seeing a video of a parade I marched in over the summer, I couldn’t help but stare in enraged astonishment at the bloated, disgustingly fat blob of flesh that I had let myself become.  Photographic evidence further supported this realization, and after thinking back on the tight, well-muscled frame I fought so many years to acquire in my late teens, I couldn’t help but feel sickened by my apathy towards my appearance.  To that end, I decided enough was enough.  I adjusted my diet and took up hiking as much as twice a week, and over the course of three months, I lost 25 pounds and gained a lot more energy and vitality.  I will never allow myself to become fat again.  This one is a good thing.

4.  I climbed a mountain!  If you’d have asked me ten years ago if I would ever physically climb a mountain, I’d have told you that it’s "on my list", but wouldn’t realistically expect it to happen.  Well, this past year my friend Sra and I accomplished what a surprising few people do.  We stood on the summit of a mountain, like gods, (it was Mount Olympus, after all) looking down on all that is below.  I am especially proud of this achievement, and I will take it as one of the highest points (pun intended) of the year.  Good thing.

5.  As a result of my unemployment, I decided to actually take time away from work and focus on myself for the first time ever.  I took the entire year off, and I will say, without reservation, that for the FIRST TIME EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I get enough sleep.  This is no small thing, I am being sincere.  Getting enough sleep on a consistent basis is something that everyone takes for granted, and you seriously don’t know what you’re missing.  This is a good thing.

6.  I finally declared Atheism.  There are those who might think this is sad, but it is not.  I’ve been on the fence for about a decade concerning my stance on religion and God.  I’ve been on one side or the other my entire life and the revelation I received finally, is that only by opening your eyes and your mind will you ever be at peace with your faith.  God is a construct.  It’s a way for people to explain things they can’t understand, and mankind will never reach it’s full potential unless we finally give up on superstition and naiveté and see what is real and true.  If there is such a thing as fate, then let me say that my undefined purpose for moving to Utah was to finally come to grips with faith and religion, and it took moving here and seeing the differences and perversions in what should be constants for me to finally realize it.  It’s all imaginary.  This is my decision, and I have no doubts that it is the correct one.  This is a good thing.

7.  I lost a lot of money this year.  A LOT.  This is because of my decision not to work, and my failures at starting a home-based business.  I went from making roughly $50K per year down to making $0 per year, and my bank accounts suffered for it.  Even so, it’s still only money.  I can always get more.  Sometimes you have to get humble and climb down a few pegs before going back up.  Losing thousands of dollars is a bad thing, but gaining humility and perspective is a good thing.  This one is a wash.

8.  I discovered a passion for photography.  It also appears that I’m fairly good at it, and getting better.  One of the best things about my decision not to work is that I had plenty of free time to discover my passions, and photography was the big one.  It also helps to live where I live.  I like taking pictures, and more than that, I like seeing people’s reactions to my pictures.  This is definitely a good thing about this past year.

9.  Depression kicked my ass this year.  I’ve "suffered" from depression (I hate that term) since I was a teenager, and this past year has been especially difficult.  I’m thankful for some supportive friends that have helped a little, but depression is a personal issue, and despite what you may want to believe, there is no cure.  Not having an income, failing at business opportunities, and failing to see future prospects really wears on the soul.  I’m hoping next year can turn this around, but I’m not betting on it.  We’ll see.  Category:  Bad.

10.  It may seem anti-climatic to end with this one, but it’s a good one.  I found out something about myself this year.  I’m a writer.  Yes, that’s right.  I am damn good at writing.  Of course, there’s always room for improvement, but on the whole, writing, creating, imagining, articulating, and even things like spelling and grammar come incredibly easy to me.  And in truth, they always have.  I know this all sounds like a massive boast, but please forgive me this once.  I found something that I excel at and it makes me feel good.  It’s a single ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds of my psyche, and I intend to exploit it as best I can.  There are exciting things on the horizon in this matter.  I can hardly wait.

Another year down.  2008 was a curious one for me, and overall I can say it was a positive one.  There was good and bad, but there was balance, and that’s one more for the "good" side. 

See you next year.

Well, I guess I know what I’m getting myself for Christmas this year.  Usually, I’ll buy myself a little something.  Sometimes a trip, or sometimes some new computer upgrades or clothing.  Last year I bought myself a nice camera.  This year, it’s going to be a microwave.

I didn’t particularly want a new microwave.  I didn’t think I’d need a new microwave.  A new microwave really wasn’t part of the ever-shrinking budget this year.  Apparently though, a container of Easy Mac was too much of a strain for my poor old microwave, because after a loud buzzing noise, followed by some sparks, the damn thing burst into flames.

Of course, I was a little shocked.  Normally, technology doesn’t just catch fire for no reason.  Not only that, but I was looking forward to the Easy Mac, dammit.  They don’t call it “hungry” for nothing.  Stupid faulty microwave ruined dinner.  After putting out the fire and inspecting the infernal device, I suspect a short of some kind in the wiring.  Tricky things, those microwaves.

Luckily I was nearby preparing the rest of my meal when the incident occurred.  Nothing says “Merry Christmas” to the neighbors like an apartment fire.  We already had two buildings explode earlier in the year.  No sense having a repeat of that.  I got it under control and then stared longingly at my ruined dinner, wishing I didn’t own combustible technology.  That thing wasn’t even that old.  I swear I bought it when I moved here three years ago.  Oh well, it’s dumpster fodder now.

Thinking there might be a chance to salvage my supper, I raced to the car and drove over to evil Walmart, hoping that even though it’s Christmas Eve, surely they wouldn’t close at 6:23PM… right?  Of course, they did.  They were probably waiting for me to pull up just so they could shut the doors.  Stupid Walmart.

So for the next few days it looks like I’m back to the stone age for cooking.  Man, I’ve had access to a microwave daily since about 1976.  This is going to be tough.  How does one make things hot without a microwave anyway?  What about hot chocolate?  Do I need to get one of those pan things out and actually heat liquids on a stove?  Can that even be done in the 21st century?

Christmas is turning out to be pretty miserable so far.

Humbug.

It is with painful sorrow that I announce the departure of a thing most loved.  My favorite pizza place has gone away.  Again.

When I was a little kid growing up in Ohio, there was no better pizza treat than Godfather’s Pizza.  I still remember the commercials to this day.  One of them had the Godfather (an Italian Mafia-looking guy) in a jail cell wearing his striped coveralls, ordering up his final meal of delicious pizza.  Godfather’s was a treat to be taken seriously, because it was a rare thing for my family to eat out.  Besides that, the pizza was absolutely amazing, and the atmosphere of the place — new inventions called “arcade games” in the parlor — was a dream for a kid like me.  I have so many fond memories.

Sadly, when I was about 10 or so, Godfather’s was bought out locally by a company called Showbiz Pizza, which is still around in some places.  Unfortunately, the Godfather’s in my home town, and indeed the entire Midwest (to my knowledge) was simply shut down and sold off to other businesses.  My favorite pizza place became some sort of card and gift shop, and I was relegated to the greasiness of Pizza Hut for the rest of my life.  It was a travesty, and I was sad.

Fast forward about twenty-odd years.  My friend calls me excitedly one day and tells me that we need to plan a trip to Chillicothe, Ohio.  Chillicothe was about a 45-minute drive south of where I lived in Columbus, and is basically a redneck, white-trash heaven.  Of course I asked, “Why would I want to go there?”  “Pizza,” he exclaimed.  “You want Godfather’s pizza.”

True to his word, Chillicothe contained an owner-operated franchised Godfather’s Pizza.  It was hot and cheesy and delicious and every bit as awesome as I remembered as a kid.  Even better, I was an adult now and could eat it whenever I wanted.  Of course, there was a drive involved, so I rationed it out.  Still, it was bliss.

A couple of years later, I moved here to Salt Lake City.  Imagine my delight when I discovered that Godfather’s was still alive and well in the western states, and that there were several within a short drive from my apartment!  Never again would I have to stomach Pizza Hut, and there would be delicious Godfather’s for the taking whenever I felt the urge.  Suddenly, a childhood memory and longing desire became an everyday reality.  It couldn’t get much better.

December, 2008:  A month that will live in infamy.  For whatever reason, (I blame the economy), Godfather’s Yummy Pizza has completely abandoned the Salt Lake area, and the entire state of Utah.  Both eat-in locations, and all three carry outs have closed.  I drove by today, tearing up at the sight of the “Space Available” banner covering the once beautiful sign that promised perfect pizza pleasure.  My stomach gurgled, signaling its own sigh of sympathy at our mutual loss.  My taste buds felt dull, and my tongue ached for the wonderful sauce, cheese, and pepperoni perfection.  Once again, cruel fate has intervened and taken away a cherished indulgence.

Now comes the search for something else.  I don’t know where to get pizza now.  Sure, there’s always Dominos or Papa Johns.  If I’m desperate enough, there are a few Pizza Huts floating around.  Of course, there are the local places too.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll find something, someday.

But nothing will replace my Godfather’s.  I knew thee well, and will miss you.

I think I can speak for most guys when I say gift wrapping is hard.  I don’t know about everyone, but I always have a difficult time with it.  Guys just don’t possess that gene apparently, which appears to be the same gene for holding babies and folding laundry.  Gift wrapping is hard.