Just Sitting Here, Guarding my Bridge
As we all know, Valentine’s Day is a concocted holiday, with no real purpose other than to drive retail sales. There are some good aspects, however, in that you get free reign to be close to your loved one, snuggle and cuddle and be all couply and disgusting in public, and if you’re doing it right, you’ll probably pick up a little action later on. It’s a great day.
It’s a great day for couples, that is.
If you think this post is a bitter rant about being single, then you’re DAMN SKIPPY. It’s most definitely a rant, because some of us don’t have a loved one. Some of us get to sit home today, by ourselves, and contemplate whatever might be wrong with us to deserve this lonely existence. The only probable action we’ll get involves a bottle of Jergens and a Kleenex.
I think Valentine’s Day needs to be a two-pronged holiday. There should be two aspects: One for happy couples, and one for us unfortunates who are apparently leprous troglodytes who should be guarding a bridge somewhere against billy-goat intrusions. We need a little chunk of this holiday where we can enjoy our bitterness and people should have to respect and acknowledge it. I think that’s only fair.
We could go out, of course, but then we’d have to endure the stomach-wrenching visual of you pretty and fortunate people being all happy and content. That’s not so much fun either, but I understand you’re too distracted to care. That’s ok. We’ll just go home and sulk and curse you and your happiness, and maybe that will make us feel a little better. Maybe we’ll order a pizza and watch a guy movie with lots of gore and explosions, and try to convince ourselves that we’re having a perfectly good time without you and your company. Who needs a girlfriend anyway? Look at all that money we saved on flowers and a stupid teddy bear, or some crappy jewelry that you’ll smile at and pretend you like, then stuff away in a drawer somewhere and never wear. Then we’ll surf the Internet for a while randomly, but there won’t be anything worthy of seeing because all the pages and portals will be covered with sickening “happy” couples enjoying themselves. No mood for porn either, because it reminds of what we could have, if only we weren’t such undesirables. We’ll probably just go to bed early, alone and angry.
Enjoy your stupid holiday, happy people. Enjoy having someone to share your joy with, and enjoy not having a care in the world except for your one special, greed-and-merchandise-driven day. It’s ok… we’ll be fine.