Utah is a desert, at least most of it anyway, and the dry climate is just what you expect when you live here.  Sure, there’s a giant lake that covers the entire northern part of the state, but that’s pretty much an exception.  Utah is a very dry place.

Rain anytime after about the early part of May is a rare occurrence here, so it’s always welcome.  Thunderstorms are even more rare, so I tend to find them delightful.  Yesterday was one of those times.  A nice mid-afternoon thunderstorm rolled through, producing actual thunder and lightning, along with some hail, and plenty of rain.  It was exquisite.

In the morning however, before the storm came, my friend Sra and I hit Bells Canyon for our first big hike of the season.  We were up there last year in the Fall, but this year we were in search of water.  Specifically, the lower waterfall a couple of miles up the mountain.  When we were there last year, the falls were but a mere trickle of what they should be, and this time we were determined to see them in their glory. 

It wasn’t a disappointment.  The falls were swollen with snowmelt from the past winter, and the millions upon millions of gallons pouring over the side was an awesome sight to behold.  Photographs and video really don’t do it justice.  You simply can’t get a sense of perspective unless you’re actually there.  Standing anywhere close to the falls drenched you in cold mountain water, and even a hundred or so yards away still covered you in mist.  The sound was deafening.  The scene was perfect.  Standing there near the falls almost made me forget that I live in the desert, and that water is a very precious commodity to be had here. 

The hike itself wasn’t too bad, although the insects were bothersome.  Other than a bit of a spill on the slope near the falls suffered by Sra, there wasn’t too much problem at all.  Even my aged, creaking knees came out of it in pretty good shape.  It was a really good day.

Nature is cool.  There really is water to be had here, if you only know where to look.

It has been a rough couple of weeks, let me tell you.

As most of you know, I recently got a new job.  I’ve also recently moved to a new apartment.  Both of these things came with assorted trials and issues, and the combination of the two, along with life’s other assorted adventures, has left me worn out.  This, however, is not why I haven’t been blogging.

You see, I haven’t had an Internet connection for almost two weeks.  That’s the longest I’ve had to go without one since about 1994, and believe me, it was hell.  I do have a laptop with a wireless card, and I did make several forays about the neighborhood in search of an unprotected signal, but I’ll be damned if not every single one of them was encrypted.  People are getting smarter, it seems, and free Internet that can be plucked out of the air is hard to come by these days.  The apartment office has a so-so signal, but I had to be in very close proximity to the “workout facility” to obtain it, and getting into the office was a difficulty.  I did manage to read my e-mail yesterday by sitting on the curb of the handicap parking space just outside the office, but that wasn’t comfortable for very long.  Prolonged surfing was out of the question.

So finally, after many long, Internetless days, I type at you tonight in the relative luxury of my own apartment, via my new Quest DSL connection.  I chose Quest because Comcast screwed me over for the last time.  I’m so sick and tired of rip-off Comcast and their outrageous policies and prices, I can’t begin to even tell you.  It was all I could do to keep from going off on the poor girl who took my call when I cancelled my account.  “Why are you cancelling?” she asked.  “Because you SUCK!” is what I wanted to say, but I think I ended up just telling her that I found a better deal or something like that.  “OK”, she said.  “Just made sure you bring the modem into our service center.  When do you expect to being that in?”  “Whenever I get around to it” I exclaimed.  “I’ll try to make it in at the absolute least convenient time for you, or possibly never.  I know that’s how you do things at Comcast”

That was pretty much the end of the conversation.  She canceled me right quick.

My new Internet connection is DSL, something I’ve never tried before.  Quite frankly, it’s just as fast, if not a little bit faster than my cable connection.  The only real problem is the fact that the only phone jack in my entire apartment is in the dining room, so for now I’ve got CAT5 cable strung across the hallway and running into my bedroom.  I tried a wireless router, but my router is old and the connection kept bouncing up and down like a Jack Russell terrier.  Perhaps I’ll buy a new wireless router if I can’t figure out this cable situation soon.  We shall see.

So I’m back.  Back to my old surfing habits, back to all my forums and my regularly scheduled websites, back to all my Internets which I’m sure missed me very much.  I know I missed them.

Three and a half years ago, when I moved to Utah, I did a massive purge of my life.  I went through everything I owned and either gave away or threw away about 90% of it.  It was tough, but necessary, and when it was all said and done, it was worth it.  So many things you own have less value than you believe.  My move to Utah went smoothly, and part of that was due to the fact that I got rid of the clutter.  I moved only the essentials.

Fast-forward to now.  I’m moving again, only this time it’s just a couple of miles down the street.  Trading my severely overpriced, super-ghetto apartment with its gang shootings, exploding units, and the occasional drug bust for a slightly less ghetto apartment, which is much cheaper and a tad nicer.  I’ll tell you, you just never realize how much stuff you have until you need to move it.  Somewhere, somehow, over the last three years, I’ve accumulated a whole bunch more junk.  How did this happen?  I was looking over my various piles today wondering where some of it came from.  Why did I buy this?  Did someone give this to me?  Did fairies break into my house and leave these here?  How does this happen?

And just how does one move a Lovesac anyway?  These things are huge, and not only are they heavy, they are Volkswagen-sized shifting blobs of heavy, never allowing you to actually grip them or heft them in any way.  Egad!

Somewhere, I acquired a 25lb block of WED clay.  I assume it was one of my projects that I had passionate interest in for about 10 minutes.  It’s sitting in my closet now, waiting for me to move it.  What on earth am I to do with it at my new place?  A huge, grayish block of dirt.  As if there wasn’t enough dirt already, now I’m gong to pack some up and take it with me.  Wonderful.

I think the heaviest thing I own must be the two boxes of books I moved earlier tonight.  I put them on a dolly and took great pleasure in dragging them down the stairs of my old place.  BAM!…BAM!…BAM!… went the dolly-load of heavy book boxes on each stair, whilst I gleefully chuckled at the displeasure of the neighbors.  I can’t wait to move my washer and dryer for that very same reason tomorrow.

Comcast, being an evil and horrible corporate entity of such magnitude that they could make Hitler cry and Dick Cheney piss his pants, informed me that they need to send a technician to my new apartment to hook up my Internet connection.  I cordially pointed out that I already had all the equipment, and I’m quite smart enough to connect a coaxial cable, and all I wanted them to do is change the address on my account.  No no no, they exclaimed, with the voice of Satan, we simply must send a technician to your apartment.  Will next Wednesday between the hours of inconvenient and never be ok?  Next Wednesday?  Are you serious?  You want me to go without Internet for three days?  You must be on crack, you vicious bastards.  All I need you to do is change my address.  How hard is that?  I decided to take this opportunity to change my service to Quest, seeing as how the switching office is right across the street from my new apartment, so I know the connection will be optimal.  I went to the website and got all the information, then realized that my new apartment doesn’t have any phone jacks!  How the hell am I supposed to get DSL service without any phone jacks?  It looks like I’m stuck with Con-Cast for the time being.  I hate them so much.

I’ve found that I like my new place a little better each day.  It’s quieter at least, and I’ve come to find that I’m not the only white person living there, as I am where I live now.  I have nothing against any other people, but come on.  Is there only one song that every single Mexican listens to at 197db every day?  And how is it that the rims on your hoopty-ride are bigger than the actual tires?  And just how many people live in that one-bedroom anyway?  Was there a sale on wife beaters last weekend?  Not trying to sound racist, but sometimes it’s just too easy.  And I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.

Anyway, in a couple more days I’ll be moved in, and I can put this old place behind me.  Another in the long list of apartments I’ve rented over the years.  I won’t miss it.

Now, off to see how loud my stereo can go before I disconnect it!

Today marked the completion to some goals that I’ve had for a while.  There were two major ones:  Get a job, and get a new place to live.  Having started my new job on Monday, and having signed a lease to a new apartment late this afternoon, those two important goals have been accomplished.

Allow me to be introspective for a minute.  It’s been a tough year so far, and the toughness isn’t over yet.  In sports terms, this year is a “rebuilding” year for me.  Lots of basic changes and adjustments to my life and my lifestyle.  Gone is the $50K per year job that I used to have.  Gone is the freedom and laziness of unemployment.  Gone is a lot of money that I used to possess, and gone is the sense of optimism I used to have for myself and my endeavors.  These things have been replaced with a low-paying job, daily commitment, a tiny bit of income, and a very unsure feeling about how to continue.  My, how the mighty have fallen.

Not that I was every really all that mighty, mind you.  It’s just that I was used to a certain standard of living, and that standard must be lowered if I’m to survive with my sanity intact. 

I never thought this is where I’d be at my age.  When you’re young, and you picture yourself as older, you tend to picture things as being wonderful.  Good job, nice house, cool car, maybe a hot wife and even a couple of kids.  You don’t think that as you approach 40, you’d be scraping by on an unsteady income without a sense of direction or purpose for your life.  It’s difficult to see it even when you’re inside of it  It’s almost like a bad joke, and you just can’t believe it.  I feel like I’m having a bad dream, and I’m ready to wake up any time now.  Yet the dream continues.

It’s not all bad, so don’t get me wrong.  I have a job, I have money, and I have a place to live and food to eat.  That’s more than a LOT of people have, and I’m grateful.  I am thankful for the things that I have, but I used to have more.  Now I have less.  Sometimes change is hard.

I know I’m whining.  I apologize, but reality has bitch-slapped me into submission, and I just need to vent.  I need to get it out of my system so I can wake up tomorrow and embrace my new future, work as hard as I can, and hopefully turn things around.  I need to find that purpose again.  I need to re-find myself, for I sometimes fear that I am truly lost.