Humongosaurus Nix
By sovknight | July 28, 2008
My bestest friend Sra recently gave me a CD with some pictures she’s taken over the last couple of years at various outdoorsy things we’ve done. This particular picture struck me hard as I looked at it though, because it completely tells the tale of why I’m dieting to lose the GIANT gut I’ve acquired.
This shot was taken a while ago when we were up on Antelope Island, which juts out into the Great (WTF is that smell?) Salt Lake. I was at my most massive then, at around 210. As you can see, it’s horrifying. I didn’t have a clue myself until I saw this picture.
At first, I thought that perhaps the wind had gotten up into my shirt and puffed it out. It was a pretty windy day, after all. However, upon closer inspection, my arms are actually pinned up to my sides as I hold the rock in anticipation of some serious (albeit unsuccessful) skippage on the water in the background. So I guess I can’t use that excuse. Also note the roundness of the face and the plump cheeks. Frightening! There is a little wind puffage in the shirt, but 99% of that bulk is pure me. Sad, I know.
Many of my readers are looking at this picture going, “well, that’s just some normal fat guy on a beach.” However, my friends back home and those who have known me in the past are saying, “DAAYYYYYYYYUUM!” I know, I know. It’s pretty bad.
The real kicker came to me a month or so ago during the Bountiful parade up north. I volunteer some of my time as a cadet in the 501st Legion as a spotter and photographer. The 501st is a charity costuming organization based on Star Wars characters, and the costumes they wear really draw crowds and put smiles on the faces of many people, and help raise a good deal of money to boot. Typically, I’ll shoot some video during parades to use later in PR and DVD presentations to promote the group, but this time I turned the video camera over to my friend while I took stills. She did a spectacular job too, much better than I normally do, but upon watching the video when I got home I’d notice that on occasion a huge, blobby creature would lumber into frame during the walk at various times. I had to wrack my brain for a second, thinking, when did we get a Jabba the Hutt costume? Until I realized it was me! AAAAHHH! I made up my mind that very day to change.
So far it’s working. I’m down to 198lbs and lost an inch or two in circumference. I can see some definition starting to creep back into the layers of fat, and I feel healthier than I have in years. Just gotta keep it going. I will be again be a sexy beast! I just need to buckle down.
No more Humongosaurus!
Topics: Thoughts |
11 Responses to “Humongosaurus Nix”
Comments
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July 28th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I don’t think you look like humongosaurus in that picture, but I will say that I can tell the difference in you now that I’m looking at that picture again. But you don’t hold your weight like a fat guy, just like a big guy, and there is a difference. Women are attracted to big guys, but not fat guys.
And men are attracted to big boobs and not fat girls
At least I’ve got the boobs down.
:D-<8–<
Sras last blog post..IP limits yield cheap BC
July 29th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
DAYYYUUUM! Se Jabba no bodda!
Kidding! Just kidding! Good for you, RedHead!
I’m totally with Sra - at no time have you EVER seemed “humongous” to me. Then again, I am truly a giant. Look at my wingspan - I could destroy your whole village!
Ahem.
Oh, and as a footnote, there is at least one big girl who also likes big boobs, but not men. Well, I mean, I like men - they’re great and all - I just don’t like them the way I like, for instance, Nikki Cox.
I’m not sure how many permutations of the “Big/Men/Women/Fat/Boobs” formula exist (because I’m too lazy to calculate that out at the moment), but one things for sure - there’s at least one web site dedicated to each.
July 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
…one thing’s for sure -…
NOT
…one things for sure - …
Oh, and, ahem, “Love Stinks.”
July 29th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I’m wondering what your fossils will look like…
Nic-petrified and preserved in rock form…hmmm
Would you dazzle paleontologists ’round the globe? Or would Nic Rocks end up at the Ohio Cavern’s gift shop?
You are so goofy. Seriously.
Fat? Hardly.
Massive? WTF?!
Jabba the Hutt? I can’t even respond to that one because it made me snort.
BTW-is it wrong to eat your body weight in broccoli salad? Ugh. So bloated.
July 29th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
How can you say that? Did you not look at the picture? I look like a big white whale wearing sunglasses that’s beached itself!
I’m glad I don’t look that way now though. 196 as of today, so the shedding of the fat continues.
July 29th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Let us agree to disagree, eh?
And at the risk of sounding 5 years old….it’s what’s on the inside that counts!
*sticks out tongue*
July 29th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Wait a minute…I’m so wrong.
A 5 year old wouldn’t say something like that.
Instead they would probably point and yell, “Hey Mommy! Look at the fat guy!”
The line about ‘the inside is the part that counts’ is something a mom would totally say.
But, the 5 year old would definitely stick out their tongue.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Oh and in case you’ve forgotten: I am a mom!
July 29th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
as someone who has know you for over 30 years. All i have say is DAMN. just playing you know i feel your pain. Keep up the good work.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
This is a really late follow-up, but you do remember that that day was the windiest day in all of Salt Lake’s existence, don’t you? Seriously, I have never experienced such wind before. Maybe your arms look pinned to your sides in the photo because your shirt has been blown out to touch them.
Sras last blog post..The Album as an Artform
November 12th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Sorry to dig up the past here, but I just thought of a cool alternate title for this post. You could have called it “Spud Nic”.
Trovans last blog post..Tripped Up and Twinkies