If You Asked 100 Guys
By sovknight | July 6, 2008
Ladies, if you were to ask one hundred guys these questions, I believe the numbers would break down something close to this:
If you asked 100 guys:
90 of them wouldn’t give a care at all that you painted your nails, or what color you painted them. Eight of them wouldn’t even notice. One would be turned off by it, and one would be turned on.
I know women don’t believe this. "My guy loves my painted nails! Aren’t they so cute?" Yeah… go on and think that. While you’re thinking that, the guys have already moved on to your chest.
If you asked 100 guys:
70 of them don’t like your sissy little dog. 25 will tolerate it, and five will actually think it’s cute. One or two of those five may even consider it to be "his" dog too. This is a sign that your boyfriend may be gay.
A real dog says "woof woof" in a masculine, basso, authoritative way that makes cats scared and children cry and mailmen wary. Any dog that goes "yip yip yip" and runs around in a circle chasing its tail, or can fit in a purse, is not a real dog. That is a travesty of either evolution, or selective breeding.
If you asked 100 guys:
All 100 would look surprised and concerned when the car cuts off and slowly coasts to a stop on the edge of the highway. 100 of them would then proceed to get out, open the hood, and peer into the engine compartment. 100 of them would look in with a puzzled expression on his face, 40 of them would understand what the problem might be, five of them might know what to do, five more could probably fix it, and the remaining 50 have no clue whatsoever, but will pretend that they do.
If you asked 100 guys:
99 of them would give a very hesitant "Ok", and pick up a package of your feminine hygiene product while he’s at the store and you’re home not feeling well, but: 50 of them would try to sneak into the isle unnoticed, or try to play it off somehow. 39 of them would feel pretty embarrassed purchasing it, 10 of them are married and it’s not too big a deal, and the one left over? No way.
If you asked 100 guys:
Probably 75 of them will admit Brad Pitt is hot, in a manly sort of way. 10 will call him a pussy or a pretty boy and think they could kick his ass. Five will think he’s way overrated and not even worth thinking about, five more will admit that he’s just cool and it would be pretty cool to hang out or get a beer with him, three will be severely jealous to the point of absurdity, and two will have man crushes in a homosexual kind of way, but keep it closeted.
If you asked 100 guys:
I’d say 80 would rent The Notebook and watch it with you, but 50 of them would demand some sort of retribution, possibly involving sexual favors, later on. 30 of them would do it "just for you", and just suck it up like men. 20 of them would have "something come up", and give you full permission to have a "girl’s night" with your girlfriends, while he drinks beer and plays pool with his friends. Win-win.
If you asked 100 guys:
95 of them would look at you like you were absolutely crazy when you ask them to take you to see the Sex in the City movie. Still, 85 of those 95 would still take you and suffer through it. Ten would refuse however, and you’d have to bribe them. Five of the initial 100 would go willingly, and all 100 would hate every minute of that god-forsaken film about evil materialistic bitches.
If you asked 100 guys:
Even 50/50 I think. Half would agree with my numbers, half would not. That’s okay.
Topics: Thoughts |
July 6th, 2008 at 11:18 am
I love this! I agree with your assessments too.
July 6th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I’ve always wondered what was wrong with me as a female!
Why don’t I like Sex in the City?
July 6th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
What about the Kinseyan “one-in-ten” rule? Shouldn’t ten of the guys be gay and therefore skew the results? Shouldn’t this be “If you asked 111 guys,” thus allowing you to remove the ten percent sample and still have your 100?
Also, I saw the five guys in the SATC category when I went to see it with my friends. That theater was packed (PACKED) with 99% women, the other 1% made up of gay guys (.9%) and unwilling but capitulative boyfriends of ecstatic girlfriends (.1%). Those five were the ones who were slumped in their seats, trying to spontaneously develop chameleon color-change powers, while we all roared and cheered and sobbed along with Carrie and the girls.
Finally, I agree with your assessment of dogs - of course, being a cat person, I have a sort of generalized “meh” attitude toward dogs (I know, I know - bad lesbian! Bad!) but there it is. And little yappy Paris Hilton dogs should be bred for food, and then fed to Paris and her friends as “bling schnitzel”.
That is all.
Claires last blog post..Cats - are they just waiting to eat your face?
July 6th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Aw, crap, I lied. That is not all.
I also wanted to mention that during my long (far, far too long…oh, wasted youth, where have you gone?) stint as a cashier at The Evil Empire, I saw any number of guys who’d been dispatched to purchase “feminine products” (and, really, what makes a product feminine, other than its presumed purpose? Shouldn’t “feminine” be modifying the user of the product, and not the product itself, which is (let us assume) neuter? Furthermore, wouldn’t “female” be preferable to “feminine” anyway, as one can certainly be the former without being the latter, and vice versa?) for their ladies.
These are the same guys who, when buying condoms, would purchase “decoy” items. “OK, let’s see…two packs of batteries, a bruised lemon, five mismatched socks and…a box of Trojans. Very clever, sir - these purchases in no way cause me to predict you having intercourse this evening.”
When purchasing tampons, they usually put the box under another product, so as to appear surprised at their appearance. “What? I thought I had two boxes of discount granola bars! Well, I guess I might as well buy the Tampax now, seeing as the little woman will probably need them at some point, ha, ha, choke, gasp, wheeze!”
Claires last blog post..It costs a buck-o-five…
July 6th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
I didn’t get past the first one. Since when do we paint our nails for men? That’s simply ridiculous. I paint my nails for me, and me alone.
Sarahs last blog post..My Fifteen Year Old Self
July 7th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Glad to see you haven’t lost your hatred for little dogs.
July 7th, 2008 at 11:21 am
I would have to say I agree with your assessment…at least how I have seen it with my husband.
Taunis last blog post..4th of July Festivities
July 7th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Haha, funny stuff. True too, for the most part.
Since getting married, I have developed an immunity to embarrassment by feminine hygiene or sexually oriented items. I go to Wal-Mart and calmly peruse my various options, reading labels as I quietly whistle to myself.
Trovans last blog post..I want to start a Junto!
July 7th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I have to agree with all of them. The dog one made me laugh because i agree 100%
October 20th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
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