If you had a label
By sovknight | June 24, 2008
I was eating dinner at a restaurant the other day while people watching. I like watching people. It can be educational as well as entertaining. Sometimes it can be titillating, like watching hot chicks at the beach, while other times it can be maddening, like standing outside a skate park, or watching the Latino community steal fashions that black people abandoned three years ago. Either way, it’s always kinda fun.
I got to classifying people as I saw them come in and leave. For instance, there were two guys leaving at one point, one in particular who just screamed "stereotype", that I happened to notice. This guy had long, stringy, dirty hair, a trucker hat, cut-off denim shorts, a grimy moustache and was wearing flip-flops. Obviously, his label was White Trash. He was a very loyal and upstanding member of the White Trash society too, and likely paid his membership dues proudly. I didn’t notice if his wallet was connected to a belt loop with a chain though. I assume it was.
Later on, a family walked in. This family was composed of the father, mother, and three kids. The father was maybe between 28 and 30 years old, and the mother perhaps 27ish, and the kids seemed to be spaced evenly every two years or so, from maybe seven at the oldest, five in the middle, and three to the little one. The mother also had another parasite in the oven, as witnessed by the bulge, so I’m guessing happy number four was due in about four months or so. Their label, henceforth, was Mormon.
Well, actually, can Mormon be a label? I think it can be. It qualifies, because "Mormon" describes a lifestyle. White Trash is a lifestyle. Preppy is a lifestyle. You can lump Mormon into a more descriptive term, like "Conservative" or "Republican." Mormons typically tend to be those things, but I think the word "Mormon" applies nicely by itself. There is a distinctive and noticeable style that the faith seems to bring out.
All of this got me thinking: What is my label? If I were forced to wear a little tag that described my social status in the community, what would it say? I don’t know exactly what category I fit into.
Let’s look at my dress. I would be what you’d call "super conservative." T-shirt and jeans all the way, and plain colors to boot. Occasionally, I might get "all dressed up" and wear a shirt with a collar, but that’s rare. And nothing short of a wedding or a funeral can get me to wear a tie, and even then you’re pushing it. Ties are tools of the Devil, and I refuse to wear them. Even if it were my own wedding or funeral, there better not be a tie. I will boastfully say however, with my build, I can rock a suit. Good luck getting me to wear one though. Anyway, my style of dress would stick me into the "conservative" category, but it doesn’t describe me very well.
I have longish hair. Not White Trash long, and I wash it and comb it every day. I sometimes sport facial hair, but never just a moustache. I also carry my wallet in my back pocket, sans chain. So I don’t fit the White Trash label either. That’s a good thing too.
I’m not Preppy. I don’t have an orange fake-tan face or a shit eating grin. Even if I did wear a collared shirt, I wouldn’t pop the collar. There have been lots of recent style trends that look stupid, but popped collars is the king of retarded fashion. And please don’t even think of a argument for it. I am right about this, and that settles it. If you walk around with your collar popped thinking you look cool, you are wrong. Period. Stupid Preppies.
I’m not Mormon either. I suppose out of all the three categories I’ve mentioned, just by look alone, Mormon would seem to fit. If you study me a bit closer though, or get to know me, you’ll find that it’s not the case. Seeing me holding a beer might be the first tip off, but the longish hair and the tattoo could be a clue too. Besides, even if my dress is conservative, my politics and my manner certainly are not. So strike three. I don’t fit in that box either.
I guess I just don’t know. I’m just me. Kind of a generic mix of everything and nothing. I’m too old to be "collegiate." I’m pure-bred white American. No trace of anything other than Cracker in my appearance, except a little Irish heritage, so there’s no racial label for me. Maybe one of my friends can chime in here and tell me. I welcome all opinions.
In the meantime, if you had a label, what would it be? Do you fit into a mold, or sort of stand outside?
Topics: Thoughts |
June 25th, 2008 at 4:55 am
Dirty Old Man. That’s what I’d call you. HA!
June 25th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Oh, you’re a “Mysterious Loner,” definitely. Although you’ve never quite edged over into the sort of loner the neighbors describe thusly - “Oh, he kept mostly to himself. Seemed like a nice boy.” - right after the authorities discover the entire high school cheerleading team in your walk-in freezer.
You’re because you share a surname with a beloved sci-fi author, I’ve always assigned some vague Britishness and/or angry intellectualism to you as well.
But definitely NOT preppy.
One must ask, however, which is the greater crime…a popped collar, or a breakdancin’, Anakin Skywalker-lookin’ rat tail in one’s hair, circa 1985? (although, in your defense, you did get rid of it, so at least you’re not perpetuating the crime).
Claires last blog post..In a sunburnt country…
June 25th, 2008 at 5:54 am
“You’re because you’re?” What the hell? Label me “special” and pass the helmet and kneepads, please. Yeesh.
Claires last blog post..In a sunburnt country…
June 25th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Socially acceptable on the outside, book nerd on the inside.
Karens last blog post..On pins and needles
June 25th, 2008 at 9:40 am
I think this is a question best answered by other people. If I had to guess how other people labeled me, I’d guess Socially Weird Tom-boy Intellectual. But what do I know?
You? I’d call you Average Joe with Above-Average Intellect. As for the T-Shirt and Jeans look, you can make it happen. I particularly liked the jeans you wore to the Bees game we went to a month or so ago. But I think you could totally rock a nice crew neck sweater. It can even be plain colors if you want. I think the business casual thing would be a suave and debonair look for you. The great thing these days is that business cazh includes jeans. Just not skinny jeans, m’kay?
Sras last blog post..Rational Self-Interest
June 25th, 2008 at 9:48 am
I don’t think I know you well enough to label you. Maybe “Liberal Hippie”
While I am Mormon, and most people would label me as such, that is not how I label myself. The problem with labels is that they remove identity while neatly categorizing individuals.
Hopefully my label would be longer than just one or two words.
I’m thinking it should be at least six.
Trovans last blog post..No Cutsies
June 25th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Hmm…I’m thinking seven would be more balanced for my label. Or maybe five-seven-five, in a haiku.
Cherry blossoms fall
Claire is clearly a bit odd
And a smartass, too.
Claires last blog post..In a sunburnt country…