Not the Slob

By sovknight | May 27, 2008

As a guy, I generally don’t put too much thought into the state of my apartment.  That’s not to say it’s a complete wreck, because I’m not a stereotypical guy in the sense that I am relatively organized and clean.  It’s more to the fact that I simply don’t give it much thought, as with most guys.  I think pizza boxes make fine furniture, and empty cups and pop bottles add that air of "lived in" sense that every home needs.

Still, Spring cleaning must be done.  I valiantly braved killer dust bunnies and giant crumb monsters in an attempt to make my place presentable, and all I got done was the bedroom.

Unfortunately for most visitors, they don’t ever see my bedroom.  (Thinking back on that last sentence, I just became rather depressed.)  Even so, most people just see the living room and the "theater room", which by design was supposed to serve as a dining room, but whatever.  Occasional guests also see the bathroom, which, if I could trust them to go in blindfolded, I’d feel better about.  No, I decided to clean the one room in my apartment that no one ever sees.  How’s that for logic?

Actually, it was a good choice for me personally.  I practically spend almost all of my time in my bedroom.  Between sleeping and working on the computer, I could probably go for days at a time without leaving this room, provided the pizza guy could deliver to my window.  The clutter was starting to become a concern though, and small animals could potentially wander in and start nesting, so the bedroom became priority.  I started by moving piles of clutter around until they were in completely different places, then took a much needed break.  After that, I went back to the piles of clutter and threw them away.  Aha!  Progress!

Eventually I found my carpet, which was covering my floor.  Haven’t seen that for a while.  I decided that since I managed to locate the carpet, I’d get the WLV (World’s Loudest Vacuum) and go over it.  Who knows when I’ll see it again, right?  The WLV did the job of pissing off the neighbors well, gleefully running back and forth and not picking up a damn thing.  But at least it made the little wheel tracks that you see after a freshly vacuumed rug, and for a guy… that’s good enough.

Since I was cleaning, I figured I’d move the furniture around for no real reason.  Nothing says "clean" like seeing furniture relocated to different areas.  After a much needed break, I got to the task of moving the bed, the bookcase, several large, heavy things… possibly including Jimmy Hoffa’s body (found in a dark, cluttered corner) and my television, which — like my carpet — hasn’t been seen for a while.  I also found my Dust Buster, which came in handy for the inch-thick layer of dust that covered everything.  Aha!  More progress!

After a much needed break, I pronounced my room "clean", and lounged on the freshly laundered sheets covering my newly relocated bed.  I even turned on the TV, which I can actually see now, and watched a Family Guy episode.  As I savored the fresh air of cleanliness, I realized that cleaning isn’t all that bad.  Maybe I’ll tackle the living room.

Sometime next Spring.