The swimming pool in my apartment complex is decent.  It’s actually fairly deep and pretty big, but I never swim in it.  I never would swim in it, or go near it at all.  No way, no how.

Why, you ask?  Well, my pool is infested.  At any given moment during any given day, it’s clogged with vile, shrieking little creatures called…um, what are they?  Er… they’re short and dirty and smell bad and sorta resemble miniature people… Children!  Yes, that’s what they’re called.  Children infest my pool.

I suppose at some point in my life I turned into that grumpy old man who hates kids.  That guy in your neighborhood whose house you tell your kids to avoid trick-or-treating to because the man that lives there will turn the hose on you or put razor blades in the apples.  In some ways, I guess I am like that.  For the most part, kids don’t bother me if they’re well-behaved and quiet.  I understand that children have no attention spans or concept of hygiene, but for the love of God why do they have to scream and shriek all the time?  Having fun playing with your friends is fine, but there’s no reason to scream repeatedly.  I was a kid once, back in the 16th century, and I don’t ever recall the need to shriek incessantly for no reason.  It defies logic.

My pool is right across the street from my place.  I can see it from my bedroom window or my balcony, and more importantly, I can hear it.  There are always people in it too, all hours of the day.  Mostly children, because unless parents are involved (which is rare), adults won’t go near it either.  It would be spectacular to spy on some bikini-clad hotties or catch some sun myself, but the little creatures have taken it over.

I hate to think about what’s in that water.

For the record, I don’t hate kids, despite what people may think.  I have many friends who have kids and they are darling and cute.  The thing that all of these darling and cute kids that I actually like have in common though, is that they are well-behaved.  Obviously, they aren’t perfect all of the time, but they know when they get out of line.  That’s how kids should be.  Attentive, quiet, and well behaved.

I think my pool should have restricted, adults-only hours.  Hours when every child under the age of 16 is taking their state-mandated, possibly chloroform-assisted nap.  Wouldn’t that be great?

So I sit here at my computer, trying to get some work done, and all I hear are kids screaming and shouting from across the road.  It’s hot and humid in my room, and a nice dip in the pool would surely feel heavenly.

Not a chance.

I’m just having way too much fun with this.

All the critters were done personally by me with the editor.  I even made a Jersey Devil.  It’s cool because they have little personalities when they animate, depending on how you design them.  Take my little elephant guy for example.  He always looks worried.  I suppose it’s because he’s small and could get eaten, I dunno.

Anyway, just thought I’d share.

UPDATE:

I made another little video.