So I got laid off last Friday from my job, and like before, I’ve hit the street filling out applications for all kinds of various places that I hope would have the courtesy to hire me.  This is a process I despise, naturally.  I mean, who wouldn’t hate this?  I do admit that filling out applications is easier than it used to be, with most of them being online now, but it’s still a major pain. 

Here’s my conundrum, however.  On every application there’s always a question that asks, in some form or another, whether or not I’ve ever been terminated from a job.  It’s a fair question, but I’m having a crisis on whether to answer it honestly or not.  Yes, I have been terminated from a previous job, but I don’t believe that should disqualify me automatically from the one I’m applying for.  I believe that it may doing just that though.

I have been answering “yes”, of course, because I believe honesty is always the best policy, but I can’t help but wonder if this is what’s been keeping me from getting the jobs for which I’m applying.  Should I tell them “no” on the application, and hope that it never comes up again?  Or should I continue to be honest in the hopes that it really shouldn’t matter that much?  Are employers really judging me for this, or am I just being paranoid?  They are more than welcome to ask me about it in the interview process, and I’ll be completely honest, but so far I haven’t managed to get to that point.  I’m really getting frustrated.

I do think being honest is the right way to go.  I just don’t want it to bite me in the ass.

Today marked the completion to some goals that I’ve had for a while.  There were two major ones:  Get a job, and get a new place to live.  Having started my new job on Monday, and having signed a lease to a new apartment late this afternoon, those two important goals have been accomplished.

Allow me to be introspective for a minute.  It’s been a tough year so far, and the toughness isn’t over yet.  In sports terms, this year is a “rebuilding” year for me.  Lots of basic changes and adjustments to my life and my lifestyle.  Gone is the $50K per year job that I used to have.  Gone is the freedom and laziness of unemployment.  Gone is a lot of money that I used to possess, and gone is the sense of optimism I used to have for myself and my endeavors.  These things have been replaced with a low-paying job, daily commitment, a tiny bit of income, and a very unsure feeling about how to continue.  My, how the mighty have fallen.

Not that I was every really all that mighty, mind you.  It’s just that I was used to a certain standard of living, and that standard must be lowered if I’m to survive with my sanity intact. 

I never thought this is where I’d be at my age.  When you’re young, and you picture yourself as older, you tend to picture things as being wonderful.  Good job, nice house, cool car, maybe a hot wife and even a couple of kids.  You don’t think that as you approach 40, you’d be scraping by on an unsteady income without a sense of direction or purpose for your life.  It’s difficult to see it even when you’re inside of it  It’s almost like a bad joke, and you just can’t believe it.  I feel like I’m having a bad dream, and I’m ready to wake up any time now.  Yet the dream continues.

It’s not all bad, so don’t get me wrong.  I have a job, I have money, and I have a place to live and food to eat.  That’s more than a LOT of people have, and I’m grateful.  I am thankful for the things that I have, but I used to have more.  Now I have less.  Sometimes change is hard.

I know I’m whining.  I apologize, but reality has bitch-slapped me into submission, and I just need to vent.  I need to get it out of my system so I can wake up tomorrow and embrace my new future, work as hard as I can, and hopefully turn things around.  I need to find that purpose again.  I need to re-find myself, for I sometimes fear that I am truly lost.

It does feel good to actually have a point in getting up every day.  My job isn’t what you’d consider something amazing I suppose , but in this economy, a job is a job.  Work is work.  Cleaning windows isn’t glamorous, but I do have to admit it’s kind of interesting.  I like the fact that I’m pretty much on my own as far as responsibility is concerned, and I like the fact that the level at which I choose to work directly affects my income.  Also, I like having my weekends off.

I am wishing it paid a little better though.  Definitely not gonna get rich doing this, but hopefully it can pay some of the bills.  I’m still not giving up on my writing or photography, and my hope is that I can make some money from those endeavors and top off the old checking account every month.  My little stint at being self employed was seriously derailed by two factors:  One, I apparently suck at marketing myself, and two, the United States economy sucks at everything.  I’m still in better shape than most people though, as I have absolutely no debt.  I’ve also still got a good amount in savings, although it was getting perilous there at the last.  Actually, I’m still not out of the woods yet, because my new job pays about half of what I used to make, so my belt must continue to be ever tight. 

Where did everything go so wrong?  Why are so many people out of work, and why is it so hard to find work these days?  I just don’t understand the brain-dead attitude that got us into this mess.  I sure wish someone would fix it.  This whole “recession/depression” thing is getting seriously old.

I have a problem with laziness.  It’s not something I’m proud of either.  It’s just that I seem to be one of those people who takes the easiest route.  Why work hard when you can work smart?  And by smart, I mean hardly at all.

Today I finally decided I’d had enough.  There are two things that have been nagging me incessantly for a while now, and I wanted to do something about them.  They are:

• Get my Utah state driver’s license.
• Get a job

First the job thing.  As everyone knows by now, I was forced into early retirement by my previous employer over the matter of a plastic DVD case which ended up in hundreds of small pieces scattered about the carpet in the DVD isle.  Fair enough.  Since then, I’ve been lounging about my apartment, sleeping in until 10:30 every day, staying up until 3 AM, eating poorly, and writing.  I keep my high standard of living by subsisting on interest and dividends from my investments, all the while looking for that elusive "career" that allows me to work, yet do something I enjoy doing.  Because of insane gas prices and a major — shall we say "downturn" in the recent economy however; my investments aren’t going to see me through much more early retirement, so getting a job has moved up somewhat on the priority list. 

The other nagging issue is that of my driver’s license.  See, I’ve lived in Utah now for two-and-a-half years, while retaining my Ohio driver’s license.  This is well past the 30-day requirement for switching such things over, so this is also high on the list.  I know I should have done this earlier, say a couple years ago, but I just got my new license right before I left Ohio, and my picture is so pretty and… Well, you know how it is.  Things intervene. So I go to the web site for licensing in Utah.  For some unknown and completely unexplainable reason, getting your tags renewed and getting your license renewed are two separate and different agencies in Utah.  This is unlike every single other state, where everything is simply done at the DMV.  Anyway, here you have to jump through lots of hoops and run through tons of red tape while the state employees giggle furiously as you attempt to accomplish anything, so I wanted to be prepared for what I’d encounter in my attempt to become legal.  I found I’d have to re-do the written portion of the driver’s test.  Ok, annoying and unnecessary, but whatever.  I’ve been driving for 20 years, and can drive better than 85% of Utahans while blindfolded, and if you’ve ever driven in Utah, you know what I mean.  Still, taking the test won’t be so bad.  I also found the list of items necessary for proving my identity to the cheery and assuredly helpful government employees upon their request, and I set about gathering them together.

This is where the problem comes in.

• Old driver’s license. Check
• Birth certificate. Check
• Social Security card. Che… wait.

Where the hell is is my SS card? It’s been living in my wallet (succession of wallets) for thirty years. It’s always been there, always. I remember going to the office in Piqua Ohio with my mom and my brother when I was like 5 years old and getting it. I’ve had it ever since, and it’s never left my person as long as my wallet is with me. Where could it be?

It dawned on me then that not only could I not get my license renewed, I also couldn’t apply for a job, because a requirement for working in this country is proof of Social Security. I proceeded to tear my apartment apart to no avail; the damn thing simply grew legs and disappeared. What beautiful timing.

Let this be a lesson to all. Laziness is unbecoming. I should have done both of these things (get a job and renew my license) months, if not years, ago. I’m quite certain my Social Security card deliberately took advantage of my tendencies to teach me a lesson in humility, and now I must pay.

I went to the Social Security office today and filed for a new card. That in itself was pretty frustrating, but not as bad as it could have been. They gave me a giant sheet of paper that the guy said would suffice as a temporary card until my shiny new one arrives in the mail in “about two weeks.” He said it would work for employment purposes (I kinda doubt it though), but upon my questioning as to the usability of said paper to obtain my Utah license, the reply was negative:

“You may want to wait a little while. It’ll take a couple of weeks.”

Perfect.