As I type this, my Rhapsody player in the other window has creepily chosen to play the song Ordinary World, by Duran Duran.  If you know this song, you know it’s about loss and the will to move on, and that’s pretty much how I feel.  Call me sentimental or just plain mental, but I have occasional emotions.  Tomorrow I’ll rebuild all my personal walls and manly indifference and revert to my Spock-like robotic state, but today I just want to feel.

You see, today the last of my best friends is leaving me.  Well, they aren’t leaving me per se, they’ve left their old lives behind and moved on to greener pastures, but I kinda feel like the lost puppy who was found by wonderful people and loved for a minute, only to be left at the shelter.  See?  I told you this blog would be selfish.  I’m staring into an uncertain future and floundering in a sea and all my support is gone.

No, that’s a stupid way of looking at it, and I’m not very good at being selfish.  I tried, and I do feel a little bit left behind, but I can’t in reality feel anything but happiness for my friends who have moved on and found purpose in their lives.

When I moved here four years ago, I packed up and left all of my friends and my family behind.  I’ve moved out of my friends lives on more than one occasion actually, so I suppose it’s just my turn to get a little payback.  Now I know how it feels, I suppose.  Coming here, I didn’t know anyone in Salt Lake at all, and my job then had me traveling all over the country for weeks at a time, so making new friends was a daunting prospect at best.  Still, almost immediately I met someone who, despite more than a decade’s difference in age, as well as completely different perspectives on most everything, befriended me without question.  She’s one of the only people I know who simply accepts me for what I am.  The very first time I met her, our discussion ran a huge range of topics, with nothing taboo at all.  So refreshing to have someone like that.  Everyone should have a friend who simply is your friend, without any requirements or pressures.  Despite whatever differences you may have, you simply click.

Shortly after that I met another amazing person who I had the great pleasure of developing a wonderful romantic relationship with, a relationship which ended not in mistrust and bad feelings, as these things usually do, but evolved into an immensely strong friendship based on respect and admiration.  We too are fairly far apart in age and even farther apart in beliefs and experiences, but none of that matters.  I’m very proud to count both of these people among my very best friends, and I love them both without condition or reservation.  So there.

As is life, things change, and I’m very proud that both of them have found their places and directions in life, and are off to live it.  That alone makes me very happy.  Plus, we’re in the 21st century, aren’t we?  I mean, when you count all the Internets and the Facebooks and text messages and whatnot, it’s not like your friends are more than a couple of nanoseconds away anyway, regardless of where they may physically be.  Technology has made long-distance friendships easy, and although they may be different, they are quite doable.  No worries there.

So why do I only have two friends?  Well, that’s not really accurate.  I have quite a few friends here in Utah actually, but these two were my best friends.  My “hang-out-with-able” best friends, the ones I went to when I needed the kind of friendship that’s beyond familiar acquaintance.  The people whom I felt comfortable sharing my thoughts and secrets with, and the people who I knew I could count on to be honest and forthcoming.  The people I trusted and cared about.  We all have lots of friends, but there are different kinds of friends.  These two are the best kind.  I no longer have any friends like this in Utah, and I guess that’s why I’m sad.

So yeah, I selfishly feel a little bit lost now.  One of my best friends is happily newly married and living far away in boring “look, more sagebrush!” Idaho.  The other is going to law school in far away “look, it’s raining again!” Oregon.  Both of them are ecstatic and excited, and both of them deserve their new lives and their new opportunities.  I wish them both the best, and I hope we can still be close in whatever way we can.  I smile after them brightly and knowingly.

So now what?  Well, they have new beginnings, and so must I.  Living like a hermit doesn’t suit me, for instance, so I resolve to get out and meet people and make new friends.  I definitely need an image makeover, so that will be a good start.  A change of scenery is probable too, although not quite yet.  I need to break out of this shell and get out of this funk and stop feeling sorry for myself.  It’s a chance to start again, and I hope I can take it.  I won’t cry for yesterday. There’s an ordinary world… somehow I have to find.

Here’s to new beginnings… for all of us.

Nothing is happening with me lately.  I’m still on the job hunt, having been laid off recently.  I’ve filled out so many applications that I honestly can’t remember who I’ve applied to and who I haven’t, but I’ve gotten no responses save for Target, who told me to go take a hike.  If I can’t get hired at Target (I applied to be a cashier, no less), then what are my chances now?  I am SO depressed about this.  I’m to the point where I literally don’t have any more options, and I don’t know what to do.  I’m lost.

On Tuesday I traveled up to Idaho Falls to see my friends get married.  It’s a horribly long drive, but it was made easier by a carpool situation that I and two other friends managed to set up.  Of course, nature intervened for me and made it one of the absolute worst allergy days of the year, so I spent the entire day blowing my nose and sniffing uncontrollably.  I was also drugged up to high heaven and was basically stoned the entire time on a combination of DayQuil and Claritin and Flonase.  I tried really hard to act normally and be as pleasant as I could, and hopefully I pulled it off successfully to the point where not too many people noticed.  That allergy attack has since worsened into a sinus infection, but the good news is that I got to witness my best friend in her happiest moment, and I wouldn’t trade that for all the allergy drugs in the world.  That’s the important thing. 

The defining moment for the evening (for me) wasn’t my misery, or the long drive, or the yum-licious red velvet wedding cake that was positively orgasmic.  It was the point right as my friend walked down the isle with her dad accompanying her.  The smile on her face told everything.  She beamed more brightly than I’ve ever seen, and at that moment she was more beautiful than anything or anyone else in the world.  Those are the moments that I love, and to see that kind of happiness makes everything else absolutely trivial.

In that small, fleeting moment… the world was a good place, and nothing else mattered.

Now it’s back into the fray.  I sit here today, having mostly recovered from my illness (just a slight cough and some soreness), and I’m wondering what my future holds.  Bills keep coming, but job offers don’t, and I’m getting depressed all over again.  Reality sucks sometimes.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Thank you Erin, for that moment.  I’ll keep it with me and remember it when I’m feeling a bit down.  Best of luck and all my love to you and your new family.  Be good and be happy.

1.  In January, my continuous employment of ten long years came to a very abrupt end.  I was terminated over the matter of a broken DVD case worth approximately $4.  This, after a decade of faithful service, running multi-million dollar departments and traveling the entire country for a corporate entity who cares little for it’s employees.  In the end though, this was a good thing.

2.  In May, I turned 36 years old.  There’s this sort of unspoken thing with men that says by the time you’re 35, your life should pretty much be on the path it’s destined for, and your career and love life and kids and education should be things you worried about in the past.  By 35, you should have achieved.  Well, I’m behind the curve.  Not only is my life pretty much a complete waste up until this point, but I don’t really have any prospects for the future.  There’s obviously something wrong with me.  This one is in the "bad thing" category.

3.  After seeing a video of a parade I marched in over the summer, I couldn’t help but stare in enraged astonishment at the bloated, disgustingly fat blob of flesh that I had let myself become.  Photographic evidence further supported this realization, and after thinking back on the tight, well-muscled frame I fought so many years to acquire in my late teens, I couldn’t help but feel sickened by my apathy towards my appearance.  To that end, I decided enough was enough.  I adjusted my diet and took up hiking as much as twice a week, and over the course of three months, I lost 25 pounds and gained a lot more energy and vitality.  I will never allow myself to become fat again.  This one is a good thing.

4.  I climbed a mountain!  If you’d have asked me ten years ago if I would ever physically climb a mountain, I’d have told you that it’s "on my list", but wouldn’t realistically expect it to happen.  Well, this past year my friend Sra and I accomplished what a surprising few people do.  We stood on the summit of a mountain, like gods, (it was Mount Olympus, after all) looking down on all that is below.  I am especially proud of this achievement, and I will take it as one of the highest points (pun intended) of the year.  Good thing.

5.  As a result of my unemployment, I decided to actually take time away from work and focus on myself for the first time ever.  I took the entire year off, and I will say, without reservation, that for the FIRST TIME EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I get enough sleep.  This is no small thing, I am being sincere.  Getting enough sleep on a consistent basis is something that everyone takes for granted, and you seriously don’t know what you’re missing.  This is a good thing.

6.  I finally declared Atheism.  There are those who might think this is sad, but it is not.  I’ve been on the fence for about a decade concerning my stance on religion and God.  I’ve been on one side or the other my entire life and the revelation I received finally, is that only by opening your eyes and your mind will you ever be at peace with your faith.  God is a construct.  It’s a way for people to explain things they can’t understand, and mankind will never reach it’s full potential unless we finally give up on superstition and naiveté and see what is real and true.  If there is such a thing as fate, then let me say that my undefined purpose for moving to Utah was to finally come to grips with faith and religion, and it took moving here and seeing the differences and perversions in what should be constants for me to finally realize it.  It’s all imaginary.  This is my decision, and I have no doubts that it is the correct one.  This is a good thing.

7.  I lost a lot of money this year.  A LOT.  This is because of my decision not to work, and my failures at starting a home-based business.  I went from making roughly $50K per year down to making $0 per year, and my bank accounts suffered for it.  Even so, it’s still only money.  I can always get more.  Sometimes you have to get humble and climb down a few pegs before going back up.  Losing thousands of dollars is a bad thing, but gaining humility and perspective is a good thing.  This one is a wash.

8.  I discovered a passion for photography.  It also appears that I’m fairly good at it, and getting better.  One of the best things about my decision not to work is that I had plenty of free time to discover my passions, and photography was the big one.  It also helps to live where I live.  I like taking pictures, and more than that, I like seeing people’s reactions to my pictures.  This is definitely a good thing about this past year.

9.  Depression kicked my ass this year.  I’ve "suffered" from depression (I hate that term) since I was a teenager, and this past year has been especially difficult.  I’m thankful for some supportive friends that have helped a little, but depression is a personal issue, and despite what you may want to believe, there is no cure.  Not having an income, failing at business opportunities, and failing to see future prospects really wears on the soul.  I’m hoping next year can turn this around, but I’m not betting on it.  We’ll see.  Category:  Bad.

10.  It may seem anti-climatic to end with this one, but it’s a good one.  I found out something about myself this year.  I’m a writer.  Yes, that’s right.  I am damn good at writing.  Of course, there’s always room for improvement, but on the whole, writing, creating, imagining, articulating, and even things like spelling and grammar come incredibly easy to me.  And in truth, they always have.  I know this all sounds like a massive boast, but please forgive me this once.  I found something that I excel at and it makes me feel good.  It’s a single ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds of my psyche, and I intend to exploit it as best I can.  There are exciting things on the horizon in this matter.  I can hardly wait.

Another year down.  2008 was a curious one for me, and overall I can say it was a positive one.  There was good and bad, but there was balance, and that’s one more for the "good" side. 

See you next year.

A few people still update daily, or at least a few times a week.  Lately, these have been the “just checking in” type of posts you see when someone feels the need to blog, but doesn’t really want to.  Others have simply put things on hiatus until the holidays are over.  I can understand that.  I know how it is.

I just want to stop and take a moment to let all of my wonderful readers know I’m still here.  I still have ideas, and I still have rants, and I still have lots of things to observe and/or complain about.  The Christmas season for me isn’t quite what it is for other people.  Most of my friends live a couple of thousand miles away, and my local friends all have family that’s near.  I, on the other hand, am here pretty much all alone.  I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining too much, but I admit it’s kinda lonely.  Add to that the fact that I’m really not a Christmassy kind of person.  I suppose I just feel depressed around this time of year.  Anyway, my blog is still here and my thoughts are abundant, so expect more from me soon.

I look forward to the new year, so I can get my bearings back and start making plans for the future.  Hopefully, things will look up.

Until then, Happy Christmas.

How’s it going? Actually, I already know, but it’s polite to ask. I’m writing you from the future to let you in on a few things.

You’re probably asking, how do you know I’m you for sure? Well, remember that magazine we had hidden in a gopher hole in the woods across the road from the house? Right by the tree we fell out of? Yeah… now you know I’m telling the truth. No one else in the whole world knows about that.

I’m writing you to tell you that next week, on the 25th to be exact, we will be starting our 36th trip around the sun. That’s right, thirty-six years. I’m writing you now because you are about to turn 18, which is a milestone in itself. I know you just graduated from high school, and what you really want to do is take some time off from academics and just get a job for the summer, so enlighten me for a moment. And eighteen years… they came up on you fast, didn’t they? Believe me, the next eighteen years are gonna fly by even faster. I should know.

So let’s see. What’s going on in the world in your time? If I remember correctly, a president named Bush engaged the American people in a war with a country called Iraq. There was lots of bickering about oil, and gas prices were soaring out of control. Well, rest assured that in the future, everything is quite diff…

Er…

Ent…

Ah, forget that. I don’t want to bore you with politics. You’ll find out anyway. What I want to do is let you in on a few things so as to be prepared for what’s to come. You see, we’ve made one or two mistakes in the past 18 years, and as a bigger and wiser version of you, I’m giving you the responsibility of fixing them. This letter is bound to be extremely long, but bear with me — there’s a lot of stuff to cover. Oh, there is one thing that I want you to remember though, if you take nothing else out of this. A word: GOOGLE. Remember that word.

First, keep going with the workouts. I know you’ve put almost thirty pounds on your scrawny ass in just the last year alone. That ought to tell you how skinny and under-trained you were to begin with. And you wonder why kids picked on you all throughout school? Well, let me tell you, that body you’re building now will become a fine machine. You’ll add another forty pounds on top of what you’ve already done, all pure muscle. At one point, in your mid-twenties, you’ll look so good that you’ll consider entering a contest! Sadly, you wussed out, but the body and the knowledge used to gain it will benefit you for the rest of your life. You won’t ever be picked on again, and one day a group of guys will put that to a test…

Please though… for the love of God; don’t let it start sliding downhill around age 30 or so. This excess flab and this beer gut I have to carry around are both embarrassing and annoying. If you could help me out with that, I’d be most appreciative.

Don’t worry too much about money, although think about it a lot. That frugal attitude you inherited will serve you quite well. (It will be even better if you remember that word I told you: GOOGLE. Don’t forget.) Anyway, the new job at McDonald’s that you’re about to start isn’t too bad. You’ll become the fastest-promoted worker in that stores history, and be a manager by next year. Even better, you’ll meet some people who will become life-long friends. You’ll also meet a few girls along the way. Just to help: Marla=yes, Rhonda=yes, Dalene=no (dude… she’s 15 you perv) Melanie=yes, and Flavia=hell no. There were several more but I forget their names. You’ll figure it out I’m sure. Oh, there is one other: I know Starla is only 14 in your current “when”, but you’ll run into her again in a few more years. You’ll screw it up too, jerk. She’s way flighty anyway, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Blame her if it helps, and rest assured we threw all the crap she left in out apartment in the dumpster. Back to money though, don’t stress. We’re doing fine, (although GOOGLE would help tremendously). You’re a smart guy with money, and all that debt you’re starting to accumulate? It gets worse, but relax. You are debt free by age 30. Look how smart you are! Er… will be! Have a beer to celebrate.

Wait, you’re 18. Wait a couple years, and then have a beer to celebrate. Oh, and let me tell you about the drinking while we’re on the subject. Enjoy it. I know that’s not the typical response you’d expect to hear from an adult, but I’m you and I’m telling you to enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong with it. Have fun. I can say this, because I know the outcome. Sure, we screwed up a few times, and we’re not a good drunk, but in your 20′s you come to a crossroads about drinking, and you’ll make the right choice. We’ve been sober for maybe nine or ten years now, and we’re proud of that fact. We can even still go out and have a couple of beers or drinks too, but we control it now. We’ve mastered it. So have fun, and drink up.

Now about computers. I know they’re just a curiosity or a novelty in your current time, but it’s best if you get a head start on them. I can tell you, I’m writing this letter to you right now on a computer that we personally built with our own two hands. It’s actually one of a long line of computers we’ve built over the years. Each one better than the one before it. Get going on that knowledge now, and it will make things better for both of us. We’re a smart guy, and although we can’t do Algebra for shit, we can add two and two. Just remember computers + GOOGLE + a little bit of money = happy future. Trust me. I expect good things when I wake up tomorrow in my mansion surrounded by supermodels because you read this letter. Unfortunately, science tells me that telling you too much about the future mucks up the space-time-continuum-whatsit-thing, but it doesn’t say I can’t drop hints. Think hard about it, then do the right thing.

Here’s something interesting. A couple of years ago we moved to Utah. I know, right? Even better, in my past (your future) we had a job where we got to travel all around the country seeing new things and places and meeting cool people. We’ve been to New York, LA, Boston, Dallas, San Diego, Oklahoma City, Chicago, Denver, Seattle, St. Louis, Houston, Baltimore; hell… we’ve been to every major city in the lower 48. Some of them several times. (Even Hell itself, which is known as Stockton California in your time… you’ll see) You know how we always wanted to see what’s “out there”? Well, we did… and most of it was pretty cool. Anyway, that job led us to an opportunity here in Utah, and we took it. We’ve made some friends and seen some cool things. Luckily, one of our best friends lives here. She’s about seven years old to you, but don’t be creeped out by that… she grows up to be one of the smartest people you’ve ever met, and just has this personality that “clicks” with you somehow. She’s going to go be a lawyer next year, and although we know she’ll be successful and we’re happy, we’ll miss her terribly when she’s gone. Anyway we like Utah, although be prepared for a MASSIVE culture shock. Seems people out here have a take on religion that’s difficult to understand and really weird. It’s hard to explain, so I can’t tell you. You’ll have to find out for yourself. However, know that one person you’ll meet of that persuasion is incredible and kind, and another one of your best friends. She’s one of those rare people that are beautiful both on the inside and the outside, and you get the privilege of becoming very close to her. I can’t wait for you to meet her, which, incidentally, is actually a couple of years before you move here. You’ll see what I mean.

That reminds me. Treat your friends better. I’m getting ahead of you a little bit, but there are some people you’ll meet in the next few years who will become closer to you than anyone has in the past. Two in particular. One of them is quite literally the most creative and witty person in the world, and the other is so kind and sincere and incredible. She also has the cutest, most sheepish smile ever. These two people will be with you throughout some of the worst times of your life, yet even now, eighteen years separate from you, we still call them friends. Ok, so they’re both 2,000 miles away, but remember computers? (GOOGLE) Computers will revolutionize communication and you will be able to see and interact with these friends even though they’re far away. Treat them well, ok? Tell them what they mean to you (a lot) and support them. One in fact, will have his own trying times and you need to support him when he does. Even though you can’t be there physically, he needs support and needs to know you understand a decision he’s going to make about his own life. I know her now by a different name than you will at first, but somehow, it just works better. It seems right. Tell him that when the time comes. Respect all of your friends, old and new. Be a better person to them than I was.

Treat yourself better too. Stop being shy and reclusive. Do you know I spend far too many weekends alone in my apartment? I blame you. You’ve got the whole world in front of you. You have the beginnings of a great body; you have a sharp mind, good friends… Stop being bashful. Get out there and meet people. Oh… I know you’ll meet some people, but don’t be such a jerk to them. Try to be nicer, and please don’t be so depressed all the time.

Oh, and on that note, while I’m at it, there will be an incident in a few years where depression will get the best of you. It will involve an X-acto knife, blood, some scars (which I still have to carry, you bastard), and the authorities. I’ll just go ahead and ruin the ending for you: You survive it. Now, wouldn’t it be better if you just didn’t even try? Far be it for me to dictate to…er, me — but that might have been an experience I could’ve done without. Or maybe not.

In getting older we’ve gotten slightly better looking. (Thanks for finally cutting off that mullet, by the way) The weight we managed to put on has rounded out our face more and given us a more mature appearance. Don’t worry about looking old though. Remember, we have Dad’s genetics. I may be 36 soon, but I don’t look it. Most people guess my age at around 30. If Dad is any indication, we’ll continue to look exactly like this until we’re about 50, when we may get some gray hair. Maybe. Probably not though. Dad is 64 and finally turned gray in the last few years. No, age doesn’t affect us physically like it does mortal people.

Being a vampire isn’t all good though. Protect your skin. Remember, we have pasty white skin void of all pigmentation. We don’t tan. (There is one exception the year you’re 22. We get a good tan that year, but at the cost of lots of burning beforehand.) Use lots of sunblock and don’t go on the beach in daylight. I have a few suspicious places on my skin that I should have checked out because of your recklessness. Just be careful.

We finally got that tattoo we always wanted in 2006. Check it out! We drew it ourselves, and it’s line-for-line exactly what we wanted. I’m only sorry that we waited that long for it, but a tattoo is something you can’t rush. You’ll just know when the time is right.

Oh, and in that same year you’re 22 and get that tan? There’s a girl. A cute girl. She’s even into you, you drunkard. Do not kick the poor thing in the head. Twice. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

What else? There’s just so much. So many things you can fix for me. I know I said to enjoy the drinking, but 1994 is a serious blur. You know how when you take a picture in a dark room with a flash, everything is pitch black, and suddenly there’s this bright flash of light where everything is clear, but only for an instant? Once that instant is over, there’s this fuzzy remnant of what was in the room, but it’s pitch black again and you can’t really picture it? That’s what 1994 is to me. Flashes of lucidity followed by complete darkness. If you could maybe just cut down just a little, it would be helpful.

Here’s a big one. You’re a musician. I remember. You got into (or will get into) every single college you apply to based almost exclusively on the fact that you play viola, and there aren’t many people who do. All of those colleges, yet you bail out and don’t attend any. Now, I’m not going to tell you what to do here, but I will let you know that decision is making it extremely hard to get a job here in 2008. There are some skills that we maybe could have acquired that would be coming in very handy for me right now. I remember that we do attend college at one point, but out heart wasn’t in it. We were too immature to take it seriously. I’m regretting that now, and I’m expecting you to do something about it. Go to college, and finish it this time. Get a degree… in anything. Whatever, just do it. Don’t let me down again. We’re too old to go back in my time, but you can do it back then.

Buy that damn Mazda 6 instead of the Taurus. It’s just a cooler car.

When it comes time to toss the DVD case that gets you fired from your job at Best Buy, fire that thing hard. Take out ten years of aggression on it and don’t hold back. It’s not going to matter what you do anyway, because they’re going to fire you no matter what you say. You don’t get a jury, a judge, or a trial. All you get for a decade of faithful service is an execution, so make it worth it. Fire it hard and shatter that bitch to Kingdom Come. It will be worth it.

There’s a cop sitting by a parking lot on West Broad Street in Columbus, Ohio in the year 2001 — at about 5PM — near the traffic light, just itching to catch somebody. Tip: Get your license tags renewed before they expire, dumbass.

Speaking of 2001, you’ll be in New York City in 2000. You’ll walk right by the World Trade Center and not even look up. Do me a favor, and check the buildings out real quick. They were pretty cool.

You know that cartoon from the Tracy Ullman show? The Simpsons? It’s still on. No, not re-runs. New episodes. Shouldn’t Bart be something like 29 years old in my now?

No, I don’t have a flying car. I know they promised us that stuff back in the 70s, and by the 21st century we should have had them, but they lied. The 21st century feels just like the 20th century, except there’s no more Russians and everything costs three times as much. And a guy named Barry Bonds broke all the home run records. And we’re about to either have a woman or a black guy for President.

Mia was cool, but a little scatterbrained. She’ll like you, no doubt, but be careful. I know what happened. And don’t believe Dave when he says her newborn twins have red hair. I’m sure it’s a lie.

Ask that radio DJ out. So what if she likes blond surfer guys? She lives in Ohio. She’s cute, and very friendly. Take a chance. I was always curious about that one.

Around ’99 I think, you’ll get the opportunity to play softball representing Best Buy with a few members of the Cincinnati Reds against other retailers. Whatever you do, don’t let them make you pitch. You suck at pitching in softball. Luckily, you are Casey at the Bat, going four-for-four with two doubles and batting in six runs, but you lose the game on the defensive side because of your poor pitching. Your batting skills are the only reason that dick Aaron Boone kept you in the game, even after you give up like four home runs and ask to be benched. (Don’t worry too much about Boone though. In 2004 he’ll be playing third base for the Yankees, but tear a knee during a basketball game in violation of his contract and get cut. He’ll be replaced by a guy named Alex Rodriguez.)

There were a few fun things like that. Even though we lost, it was a good game and a great time. We made some friends that day. (Wait ’till you meet Angela… whoa!)

Oh man… there’s just so much to say. I’m serious dude; you could help me out so much by reading this letter and straightening some things out. Our life could be so much different and so much better if you listen to me. You could change everything.

Yeah. You could change… everything.

You… could…

You could change…

Everything?

Hey, you know what? I’ve been reading back over this letter and I think maybe I might have changed my mind. You know, people are the sum of their experiences. You and I have gone through a lot in the last 18 years. I could never even begin to put them all in a letter. Do you think that maybe we’re better for it? I mean, yeah… we made some mistakes. But mistakes are lessons disguised as pain or embarrassment. Once you figure that out, then you can learn the lesson. Maybe all those mistakes happened for a reason, and maybe I’m able to write this now because I know what I know from experience. And I sure don’t want you to screw up the good things by accident. What if something happened and I never got to travel the country? I would have never met Erin! I’d have likely never moved to Utah and made these wonderful friends! I’m scared to think what might have happened.

So I’m thinking you should just tear this letter up. Don’t even bother with it. Go ahead and live our life just as things come, and don’t worry too much about the future. Trust me, it turns out ok. Just forget everything I’ve said.

AAHHHHHHH! NO WAIT!

GOOGLE

(Remember that part.)

So have a good 18^th birthday, Me from 1990.

I’ll see you in a few.