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Ok, so it’s not technically a blog.  A blog is a web log, a term specifically created for the digital age.  You can’t just call any old bit of writing a blog, but there are similar characteristics, so I’ve decided the moniker is still a fitting one.  This would be a "blog" of mine from the dawn of the online age.  Well, not the dawn so much as maybe early morning… but still… way early on.  The year?  1995.

I came across this one whist searching an old folder in my possession.  This folder contains lots of loose bits of notebook paper, tons of photocopied sheets, and several fresh-off-the-dot-matrix printer articles written by yours truly, and a very good friend of mine, the always entertaining Claire of Claire De Lunacy fame.  There are also a few written by other contributing parties as well.  These bits of paper all came together at one time to create a masterpiece of literary importance and historical significance called, "It’s All in the Attitude."

First, a bit of history.  The Attitude came about sometime in early 1995 as a request from management for a newsletter aimed at the service department of a regional retailer named Meijer that Claire and I both worked for.  This retailer was one of the first hypermarket one-stop-shop kind of places, where you could buy all of your groceries as well as clothing or sporting goods or whatever all in one place.  These days, Wal*Mart has the corner on that concept, but this was before Sam Walton’s kids descended upon every single community on the planet with huge mega-mall parking disasters full of white trash and loiterers.  No, before Wal*Mart Supercenters, the white trash and vagrants belonged to us.  The Attitude was our release from the mayhem and our voice.

Anyway, Claire and I both worked in the customer service department as cashiers.  We’d met a year earlier when I started working there, and our personalities just seemed to click instantly.  I don’t know what else to say, but despite our differences in almost every other conceivable aspect, somehow our brainwaves just match up perfectly when we come within a certain radius of each other.  We think on the same wavelength.  At any rate, management noted our talent for humor and extreme intellectualism, as well as our propensity to charm co-workers and clown for people, and thought we’d be the perfect people to detail the daily life of a Meijer cashier in a nice, corporate-conforming newsletter aimed at the wonderful service side of a major retailer. 

Boy were they ever wrong.

Right now, Claire and my other Meijer bestest friend Jess are chuckling to themselves in a knowing way, and who’s to blame them?  Management really should have seen this coming in my opinion, and I think it’s their fault for encouraging us.  You don’t take a oppressive, horrid environment like retail, mix in a brain-dead customer base, some "colorful" management, and hand it over to the two most creative and outspoken people on your staff.  People that have the pulse of over 100 cashiers and the power of the written word at their disposal.  It is folly, to be sure.

In the beginning, we set out to adhere to conformity.  Management wanted a simple, two or three page newsletter that attended to things like dealing with customers, and shoplifting, and coupon abuse, and stuff like that.  We obliged.  Of course, all of that stuff is pretty boring, so we thought we’d spice it up a bit with some humor and inflict our own brand of wit.  After all, it must be informative as well as entertaining, right?  The first issue was pretty straightforward.  Nothing controversial at all really.  It was released to eager employees who gobbled it up and asked for more.  Management was pleased.  "Do another one!"  They said.

The second issue was anything but the first.  In it, we included our thoughts and feelings on the working atmosphere of Meijer, as well as taking a couple of shots at various procedures.  We knew this going in of course, which is why I wrote what I wrote in the article posted above (assuming you clicked it.)  It became more of a platform to express our issues than an informative newsletter, and management was not amused.  It was pulled from circulation by the store director, who had a "talk" with the service department manager, who in turn had a "talk" with us.  There were to be no more issues of the Attitude that weren’t approved beforehand.  Of course, this didn’t set well with Claire and I, who pointed out (correctly) that the employees in the store (by this time the newsletter had expanded beyond customer service) loved our writing.   We were popular and liked by the masses, because we were willing to say out loud what everyone usually only whispered to each other.  In the end, it didn’t matter.  The Attitude was over after only two issues.

There was a third issue, but it died on the operating table.  As far as I know, only one thing remains of it, even in my giant folder of goodness.  I do seem to remember that it was even more scathing than the second issue, and was bound to get us into more trouble, but at that point we didn’t care.  Claire and I were moving on to other things at that point, and Meijer was the least of our concerns.  We had fun, and in that type of environment, that’s all you had to look forward to really.

I still have a full copy of the first edition, along with all of the edited copy and loose-sheet hand-written pages, and I have the notes and a couple of articles and the artwork for the second.  The only thing left of the third is a cover picture I made.  It would have been grand, let me tell you.

I’ll close by posting Claire’s article from the first edition.  You can really get a sense of the writing styles we both possess from these and recognize them, styles that would later become blogs in the 21st century, transmitted not only to a few cashiers, but to millions of people all over the planet.  With both of our blogs, and both of our styles accessible to anyone, the Attitude lives on.

Everyone knows who George Carlin was.  Not everyone liked his particular brand of humor, which was always sharp and punctuated with crisp four-letter words and divergent thoughts, but to me it wasn’t always about his humor.  What I liked about Carlin was how razor sharp his mind could be.  How he took everyday topics and shone a light down upon them, making them brighter and more defined, and forced you to look at them in ways you never thought about.  He was a master of logic and thought, and never let even the small details go unnoticed.  No one was safe.  Nothing was safe.  Everything and everybody was fair game.

And he was right. 

I’ll repeat that:  He was right.

No one pushed the envelope more than George.  No one had more balls.  The greatest comedian in my lifetime.  One of the greatest thinkers ever.  An inspiration to me most definitely, and many millions of others.  One of the smartest people who ever lived.  Ever.

The whole world is dimmer somehow…

Carlin on language.

Carlin on environmentalism.

Carlin on religion:

Carlin on voting:

Carlin on intelligence and fat people:

There are so many more moments.  Do yourself a favor and watch them all.

Bye George.  We miss you already.