So I got laid off last Friday from my job, and like before, I’ve hit the street filling out applications for all kinds of various places that I hope would have the courtesy to hire me.  This is a process I despise, naturally.  I mean, who wouldn’t hate this?  I do admit that filling out applications is easier than it used to be, with most of them being online now, but it’s still a major pain. 

Here’s my conundrum, however.  On every application there’s always a question that asks, in some form or another, whether or not I’ve ever been terminated from a job.  It’s a fair question, but I’m having a crisis on whether to answer it honestly or not.  Yes, I have been terminated from a previous job, but I don’t believe that should disqualify me automatically from the one I’m applying for.  I believe that it may doing just that though.

I have been answering “yes”, of course, because I believe honesty is always the best policy, but I can’t help but wonder if this is what’s been keeping me from getting the jobs for which I’m applying.  Should I tell them “no” on the application, and hope that it never comes up again?  Or should I continue to be honest in the hopes that it really shouldn’t matter that much?  Are employers really judging me for this, or am I just being paranoid?  They are more than welcome to ask me about it in the interview process, and I’ll be completely honest, but so far I haven’t managed to get to that point.  I’m really getting frustrated.

I do think being honest is the right way to go.  I just don’t want it to bite me in the ass.

They say money doesn’t buy happiness.  They also say that money doesn’t solve problems.  I’d like to test these theories.  Give me a bunch of money, and I’ll spend it and let you know if I’m happy and no longer have as many problems.  I’ll be your experiment.

Maybe money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can sure buy things that make me happy.  At least for a while.  When I get tired of one happy thing, and it no longer amuses me, I’ll simply buy another and be happy all over again.  Give me enough money, and I’m sure I can buy a certain amount of happiness that will last me a good long time.  I have no problem being a guinea pig in the testing of these theories.  Give me big wads of cash and let me loose.  I’ll get back to you with the results (eventually).

For the second day in a row, I’ve been rained out of work.  It’s not supposed to rain here in the desert, but someone forgot to tell somebody, because it’s been raining for the better part of a week now.  Even my boss, who has lived here his entire life, says he’s never seen weather like this in Utah ever before.  It’s some kind of fluke weather system that won’t go away.  Because my job depends on it NOT raining, I’ve essentially been out of work now this entire week.  This is not a good thing.

I hope Utah is enjoying this nice rainy season.  It’s not that we couldn’t always use more water, it’s just that it has come at a most inconvenient time.  In the meantime, anyone know where I can get some money?

Today marked the completion to some goals that I’ve had for a while.  There were two major ones:  Get a job, and get a new place to live.  Having started my new job on Monday, and having signed a lease to a new apartment late this afternoon, those two important goals have been accomplished.

Allow me to be introspective for a minute.  It’s been a tough year so far, and the toughness isn’t over yet.  In sports terms, this year is a “rebuilding” year for me.  Lots of basic changes and adjustments to my life and my lifestyle.  Gone is the $50K per year job that I used to have.  Gone is the freedom and laziness of unemployment.  Gone is a lot of money that I used to possess, and gone is the sense of optimism I used to have for myself and my endeavors.  These things have been replaced with a low-paying job, daily commitment, a tiny bit of income, and a very unsure feeling about how to continue.  My, how the mighty have fallen.

Not that I was every really all that mighty, mind you.  It’s just that I was used to a certain standard of living, and that standard must be lowered if I’m to survive with my sanity intact. 

I never thought this is where I’d be at my age.  When you’re young, and you picture yourself as older, you tend to picture things as being wonderful.  Good job, nice house, cool car, maybe a hot wife and even a couple of kids.  You don’t think that as you approach 40, you’d be scraping by on an unsteady income without a sense of direction or purpose for your life.  It’s difficult to see it even when you’re inside of it  It’s almost like a bad joke, and you just can’t believe it.  I feel like I’m having a bad dream, and I’m ready to wake up any time now.  Yet the dream continues.

It’s not all bad, so don’t get me wrong.  I have a job, I have money, and I have a place to live and food to eat.  That’s more than a LOT of people have, and I’m grateful.  I am thankful for the things that I have, but I used to have more.  Now I have less.  Sometimes change is hard.

I know I’m whining.  I apologize, but reality has bitch-slapped me into submission, and I just need to vent.  I need to get it out of my system so I can wake up tomorrow and embrace my new future, work as hard as I can, and hopefully turn things around.  I need to find that purpose again.  I need to re-find myself, for I sometimes fear that I am truly lost.

It does feel good to actually have a point in getting up every day.  My job isn’t what you’d consider something amazing I suppose , but in this economy, a job is a job.  Work is work.  Cleaning windows isn’t glamorous, but I do have to admit it’s kind of interesting.  I like the fact that I’m pretty much on my own as far as responsibility is concerned, and I like the fact that the level at which I choose to work directly affects my income.  Also, I like having my weekends off.

I am wishing it paid a little better though.  Definitely not gonna get rich doing this, but hopefully it can pay some of the bills.  I’m still not giving up on my writing or photography, and my hope is that I can make some money from those endeavors and top off the old checking account every month.  My little stint at being self employed was seriously derailed by two factors:  One, I apparently suck at marketing myself, and two, the United States economy sucks at everything.  I’m still in better shape than most people though, as I have absolutely no debt.  I’ve also still got a good amount in savings, although it was getting perilous there at the last.  Actually, I’m still not out of the woods yet, because my new job pays about half of what I used to make, so my belt must continue to be ever tight. 

Where did everything go so wrong?  Why are so many people out of work, and why is it so hard to find work these days?  I just don’t understand the brain-dead attitude that got us into this mess.  I sure wish someone would fix it.  This whole “recession/depression” thing is getting seriously old.