They say money doesn’t buy happiness.  They also say that money doesn’t solve problems.  I’d like to test these theories.  Give me a bunch of money, and I’ll spend it and let you know if I’m happy and no longer have as many problems.  I’ll be your experiment.

Maybe money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can sure buy things that make me happy.  At least for a while.  When I get tired of one happy thing, and it no longer amuses me, I’ll simply buy another and be happy all over again.  Give me enough money, and I’m sure I can buy a certain amount of happiness that will last me a good long time.  I have no problem being a guinea pig in the testing of these theories.  Give me big wads of cash and let me loose.  I’ll get back to you with the results (eventually).

For the second day in a row, I’ve been rained out of work.  It’s not supposed to rain here in the desert, but someone forgot to tell somebody, because it’s been raining for the better part of a week now.  Even my boss, who has lived here his entire life, says he’s never seen weather like this in Utah ever before.  It’s some kind of fluke weather system that won’t go away.  Because my job depends on it NOT raining, I’ve essentially been out of work now this entire week.  This is not a good thing.

I hope Utah is enjoying this nice rainy season.  It’s not that we couldn’t always use more water, it’s just that it has come at a most inconvenient time.  In the meantime, anyone know where I can get some money?

It was supposed to rain today.  My little Yahoo widget has a little picture of a cloud with a lightning bolt in it for today, tomorrow, and Friday.  I also checked on weather.com, and they said it was going to rain today too.  They are all liars.  It didn’t rain today, not a drop!  In fact, I don’t know that it’s rained at all this year here in the Salt Lake valley.  We had snow up until May, but after those last few flakes fell, I don’t remember any precipitation from that point on.  We may have had a quick shower overnight once, but I don’t recall when.  Not only did it not rain today, but after about 4PM it cleared up and there wasn’t  a single cloud in the sky!  Talk about misinformation.  I want some rain!

I like grape popsicles.  I like orange ones too, and I’ll eat the red ones if the rest are gone, but dammit… I like the grape ones the best.  Here’s the issue:  When you buy a box of popsicles — let’s say there are 12 — you will get two grape ones and two orange ones, and the rest are all red!  Why?  I want an entire box of grape popsicles, but they don’t make those.  They make whole boxes of red, but not grape.  It annoys me.

If you own a convertible, and you like to drive around with the top down, roll the windows down too.  There aren’t many things that look as faggishly stupid as a beautiful, shiny Mercedes convertible cruising around town with the top down and the windows up.  Seriously, what’s the deal?  What, you don’t want to mess up your hair?  Roll the windows down so you don’t look like a retard.  If you insist on keeping the windows up, then put the top up too.

If you have a blog, bless you.  Do me a favor though, and try very hard to spell the words correctly, and use proper grammar.  I know that not everyone is an English major, but computers are pretty good at spell checking, and grammar is something that you learned all throughout school, so it should be pretty easy.  Grammar is important, far more important than say, Algebra, because grammar is something that is actually useful in life.  People will judge how smart you are based on how you write, so try and do your best to impress those for which you labor.  Remember, there is no such word as alot.  None whatsoever.  Sentences don’t end with prepositions, and punctuation is just as important as content.  I know most people try at least, but I’m aiming this rant squarely at those that don’t.  People that are indifferent.  “It’s the internet!  No one cares!” They exclaim.  Wrong dumbass, we do care.  Your skill with the language is a sign of your intelligence.

Movies are widescreen.  They are shot that way because life is widescreen.  People that buy movies in the “full screen” format are stupid.  They shouldn’t even sell movies that way.  “I don’t like the little black bars!” people say.  My advice?  Don’t watch the little black bars.  Try watching the movie instead.  It’s more entertaining.