Trying to Get Off My Lazy Ass

By sovknight | June 12, 2008

I have a problem with laziness.  It’s not something I’m proud of either.  It’s just that I seem to be one of those people who takes the easiest route.  Why work hard when you can work smart?  And by smart, I mean hardly at all.

Today I finally decided I’d had enough.  There are two things that have been nagging me incessantly for a while now, and I wanted to do something about them.  They are:

• Get my Utah state driver’s license.
• Get a job

First the job thing.  As everyone knows by now, I was forced into early retirement by my previous employer over the matter of a plastic DVD case which ended up in hundreds of small pieces scattered about the carpet in the DVD isle.  Fair enough.  Since then, I’ve been lounging about my apartment, sleeping in until 10:30 every day, staying up until 3 AM, eating poorly, and writing.  I keep my high standard of living by subsisting on interest and dividends from my investments, all the while looking for that elusive "career" that allows me to work, yet do something I enjoy doing.  Because of insane gas prices and a major — shall we say "downturn" in the recent economy however; my investments aren’t going to see me through much more early retirement, so getting a job has moved up somewhat on the priority list. 

The other nagging issue is that of my driver’s license.  See, I’ve lived in Utah now for two-and-a-half years, while retaining my Ohio driver’s license.  This is well past the 30-day requirement for switching such things over, so this is also high on the list.  I know I should have done this earlier, say a couple years ago, but I just got my new license right before I left Ohio, and my picture is so pretty and… Well, you know how it is.  Things intervene. So I go to the web site for licensing in Utah.  For some unknown and completely unexplainable reason, getting your tags renewed and getting your license renewed are two separate and different agencies in Utah.  This is unlike every single other state, where everything is simply done at the DMV.  Anyway, here you have to jump through lots of hoops and run through tons of red tape while the state employees giggle furiously as you attempt to accomplish anything, so I wanted to be prepared for what I’d encounter in my attempt to become legal.  I found I’d have to re-do the written portion of the driver’s test.  Ok, annoying and unnecessary, but whatever.  I’ve been driving for 20 years, and can drive better than 85% of Utahans while blindfolded, and if you’ve ever driven in Utah, you know what I mean.  Still, taking the test won’t be so bad.  I also found the list of items necessary for proving my identity to the cheery and assuredly helpful government employees upon their request, and I set about gathering them together.

This is where the problem comes in.

• Old driver’s license. Check
• Birth certificate. Check
• Social Security card. Che… wait.

Where the hell is is my SS card? It’s been living in my wallet (succession of wallets) for thirty years. It’s always been there, always. I remember going to the office in Piqua Ohio with my mom and my brother when I was like 5 years old and getting it. I’ve had it ever since, and it’s never left my person as long as my wallet is with me. Where could it be?

It dawned on me then that not only could I not get my license renewed, I also couldn’t apply for a job, because a requirement for working in this country is proof of Social Security. I proceeded to tear my apartment apart to no avail; the damn thing simply grew legs and disappeared. What beautiful timing.

Let this be a lesson to all. Laziness is unbecoming. I should have done both of these things (get a job and renew my license) months, if not years, ago. I’m quite certain my Social Security card deliberately took advantage of my tendencies to teach me a lesson in humility, and now I must pay.

I went to the Social Security office today and filed for a new card. That in itself was pretty frustrating, but not as bad as it could have been. They gave me a giant sheet of paper that the guy said would suffice as a temporary card until my shiny new one arrives in the mail in “about two weeks.” He said it would work for employment purposes (I kinda doubt it though), but upon my questioning as to the usability of said paper to obtain my Utah license, the reply was negative:

“You may want to wait a little while. It’ll take a couple of weeks.”

Perfect.